I've grown in so many ways. I've lived more then I have in a long time. I've grown and I've stretched myself. I've started my career and I've also taken on a job "for fun". I've learned how to let go of a love, and open myself up to a new one. I've stopped searching for God and instead just welcomed Him into my life. I've seen my family struggle and finally have some closure. It hasn't been an easy year, not at all. I've spent a week over the summer counselling for a special needs camp, then another weekend in the fall. Both opened up my heart, and one bruised my jaw. (My camper had a short temper and a quick punch...) I've learned to work both with parents, children and retail costumers. (trust me, the last is the scariest.) So I think I'll just go back in this post a retell some of what I've missed posting...
Over the summer (before camp) I had a little bit of a "summer fling" if you will. In some ways I'm not proud of it. In others I am because I grew from it. Looking back I don't know what the hell I was thinking. But isn't that life? Foresight is an amazing thing. And I wish I could have used it in the past. I think I found out more about myself and how to carry myself then I ever did before. I learned how to respect myself, and stand up for myself. I learned how to say no, and no, and no... no matter how much I wanted to say yes. I think I learned mostly how to grow up. That I shouldn't settle for less then I deserve. And most of all, at the end of it, I learned how to forgive myself, and others. Something I have always found hard to do.
In February of this year I had applied for the camp counselling spot. I interviewed for it the day after my 18th birthday and was informed that they had too many returning people to use me. I was put on a waiting list for the summer and fall sessions. About 2 weeks before camp I got a call, someone had dropped out. I manged to get the time off of work to fill in for the second session. And I think that might have been one of my best decisions of the year. I got to go and work with the kids, which I loved. But a cute guy also caught my eye. However, at the time I thought he was actually with another girl also at camp. I found out later on I was wrong. In comes a night of quite flirting (my camper also had a "camp crush" on him) and later texting into the late hours of the night. I was smitten. Yes, he lived in Livermore, but he was so sweet and cute. Tall, blonde(ish), handsome, amazing blue/grey eyes. We texted all of the next day at home, making plans to hang out (This also involved some "blackmail" I had on him ;) ) and then I was called into work at Bath and Body Works. I didn't want to go, not one bit. But I did. I told Brandon this and he started asking innocent questions. Is the mall in Fremont or Newark? What time do you work til? Is that when the mall closes? This went on until I went into work. I sneak a few texts on trips to the back room, then about half way through my shift I was alone on the floor, stocking a shelf. I heard someone walk up behind me and turned to greet them. I don't think I got any words out besides "Hi welcome to....." it was Brandon. He had driven all the way out from Livermore just to say hi to me at work. He hung out for around a hour (I had to convince my manger on duty that he wasn't some creepy guy) after that our next date was set. I went out to see him, we went out to dinner and he had gotten my favorite movie for us to watch. After that first date I think we both knew we'd become a couple, but we waited for all of two weeks before making it official. We're still together, four months later, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. He brings out the best in me and spoils the crap out of me. Just hearing his voice makes me smile. He became my best friend in just a few days and I think that's the best part. He just gets me. And I get him. Plus he helps me in math and is the reason why I passed with a B this semester, so he's sticking around.
Also during the summer I was hired on as a full time preschool teacher. It's been amazing and I've learned so much. It hasn't been easy at all, but I'm growing. And now I know for sure this is what I want to do. I love working with my kids, and I know I can do this my whole life. They never fail to bring a smile to my face or give me a hug when I need it most. I could probably go on for days about them, and all the cute things they say and do (one used to call me Ms. Clifford) but the sweetest ones stand out. One little boy was in my classroom over the summer. He was a lovey dovey boy. Always needing hugs and kisses. Snuggles and everything. He used to love to sit on my lap and just feel my cheek before laying down for bed. He still makes sure I get a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I leave everyday. After I was gone for a week at the camp he gave me the biggest hug when I came back. Then he said "Ms. Emily, I missed you all the way up into the sky and back down. But I love you even more" My heart melted. Talk about tears. The just before our break he was following me around outside, holding onto my leg. When I asked him why he said "Well, it's because I like you! I can't let you go!" Between those moments and the notes I get from parents, I have never felt more blessed or loved in one place. To walk into a room and have 15 kids rush to hug you is an amazing feeling.
Retail is harder. Yes I love my job and where I work. But some customers make me want to just smack people. Like really? Did you really just say/do/whatever that?!?!?!
If you've ever worked retail black Friday/Christmas Eve or the week after Christmas you'll understand.
The people I work with make it worth it, and I've found some great friends in them also.
So I guess over this year I have learned a lot. I've grown in so many ways from my first posts. When I started this blog I was heart broken. I did feel lost and I didn't know what to do with myself. I have since graduated, moved on, grew up, found love when I least expected it, learned how to respect myself and how to become a "big girl" I can take care of myself, I have a job. I stood up for myself with school and teachers and pushed myself to achieve. I got a B in Algebra. I am so damn proud of that B. At the start of the semester my teacher told me I should consider dropping the class so I didn't fail it. I thought about dropping it. But I didn't. I passed it. I got an 85% on my final. I did it. And in my English class I had my teacher who didn't grade a thing. 10 papers, 2 months in, no grades. I spoke to her about it and she said I should be fine and to deal with it. I decided to move up and spoke to an academic adviser and fixed it. I went out on the limb. It was scary. I mean who wants to stand up to their teacher? She was in charge of my grade (I got an A in case your wondering) and I decided to do this with most of my grade still up in the air. But for once I followed what I really felt was right and what I needed to do. And it paid off. I got my grades and so did my other friends in the class. I applied to 8 schools, and as of now I'm into 5 of them. (Still waiting to hear from the other 3) I was invited into and joined an honor society (which is funny since I have a hard time spelling society. Don't tell them. Spell check is amazing) because of my GPA. I earned my teaching permit and will be able to apply for the next level in May. Which also happens to be when I graduate from Ohlone with my AA in Early Childhood Studies. (You're all invited to my party!) And then I will transfer to pursue my BA. That in itself is kind of funny. I was never going to go to college. I wasn't even going to finish high school at one point. And look at where I am now.
I think this last year I have learned more about myself and how I can grow then I ever did before. I didn't let my learning differences hold me back, in my schooling or in my career. I went out on a limb and trusted Brandon with my heart. I stood up for myself and held onto my beliefs.
And everything has paid off.
I think I can truly say that yes, darkness comes before the dawn. And for the first time I'm seeing that it's all worth it.
Random Fact
I will be going to my first Sharks game on Thursday with Brandon. I'm excited.
Until the next one.
Emilie
