[witty blog title here]

yeah i got nothing.
i'm starting this blog without any thought of the direction for it. this could end badly. you have been forewarned. it's Sunday night and i'm at home, cuddling in bed. it's nice. not that i've been here all night,  (i'm not that lame, just close) Kristen and i went to lunch and Borders, then after i did some home work and she saw Domenic, we met up again and headed to the mall, i got some pants, and walked around for awhile. then we went and watched a movie...
jeez, when i type it out it doesn't sound that fun... sorry Kristen, i'm no good at describing our adventures, maybe you have to be there?
Church was pretty good this morning, it seems like the "youth section" is shrinking though, you guys need to step it up! =]
this week is pretty basic, school, club j, girls group, more school... but i actually am really enjoying my classes, i just need to get some homework done, break makes me fall out of that habit to quickly.

recently the discipleship team had a discipline, we had to write out 3 letters to the people who had influenced us a lot. i wrote mine to Kevin, Pattie Fisher and Matt Knapp. let me tell you, if you've never done that before, it really makes you think and realize how much the people in your life not only mean to you, but it shows you how much they care about you.
i got a thank you card back from Matt, he said that he hadn't ever realized how much he meant to me. but shouldn't that be something we're just telling each other? Mrs, Fisher texted me after she read hers as well, saying some of the same things (i was with Kevin when he read his)
frankly, it feels good to tell them what they mean to me and how they have changed me for the better. and if i've ever done that for someone else, we'll i'd like to know. not that i'm expecting everyone to start writing letters for whoever has come into their life. but it's so easy to say thank you, maybe we should start spreading that around.
that's my profound thought of the day. start saying thank you to those who mean a lot to you.

random fact
i have a scar from a Lego dinosaur on the bottom of my left foot, it hurt a lot.
peace out,
emilie

welcome to my life

2 months. that's how long its been.
 in just 11 days it would have been 2 years.
if you know me, you know what i mean.

frankly. this sucks. i know i am growing. but i want life back to how it was.  i know that can't happen, i know we're both better off being friends. (and yes, we are still best friends, don't tell me it's not possible) but i'd still like to rewind for just a few hours.
i feel like i had to make a grown up decision before i was really ready. but by making it, i made myself ready.
i don't want to grow up.
but i have to.
grown up life... here i come.

random fact
i love having people brush/play with/touch my hair. it calms me down
see ya,
emilie

Oh Ohlone...

this really is an interesting place. we have the young people (like me, i beat pretty much everyone) and the older (i have a 60 year old in one of my classes!) a large deaf community and many other disabilities, as well as every race and language you could think of. for the most part, it's  a pretty cool school. but sometimes you just wonder... i actually heard someone call a girl a grenade. like i thought that just happened on Jersey Shore!

" Grenade: a chick who is not ugly but is not hot at all. kinda of less then average. used many times by the male and female cast of the jersey shore."

in case you aren't like me and you don't watch it every week =]
it's on a hill, so the first couple weeks you get to hear everyone talking about how their hamstrings hurt or whatever.  by about the 3rd week, you're class size will shrink, because people will stop showing up until the final. and then wonder why they failed the class.
the parking lot smells most of the time (who knows why?) but they have a cool lake in the back of campus.
for the most part i love, really, it's just some of the people here who give it a bad rep. they are the ones who are just here because they don't have a clue what they want to do after high school, or because their parents told them that if they weren't in school that had to move out. the ones who don't care in class, the one's who talk the whole time or that are texting under the table. the ones who play video games the entire class on the computer then turn around and ask for a copy of your note (NO!) but that is just a handful of the students here. i've had some classes where you could tell everyone was there to learn. those are the best ones.

well i don't really want to talk about school anymore... lets talk about Kristen and Sam
i love those girls. the other day we where driving down a street by one of the high schools and a guy was walking on the side of the road. after we passed him Sam goes "i bet he thinks i'm weird... i was staring at him" then Kristen says "crap, so was i!" then i had to chime in that, i to, was watching him. none of us really had a reason why. that's the funny part. we just where. (if you're reading this and you where passed by a little blue car with 3 girls in it staring at you, we are sorry)
we go to Taco Bell and vent a lot. it's lots of fun. and i think this will wrap up the blog for today...
not much else has happened =]

random fact:
i hate birds
see ya later,
emilie

'ello cafeteria. you smell kinda bad....

here i sit.
in the school cafeteria. at Ohlone. it's the first day of school and every Monday and Wednesday i will have this break. from 10:15 to 1. if you're around come keep me company! actually i'll probably use this time most days to either observe in the children's lab (it's just a childcare, but that makes it sound creepy...) or do homework.
so far i've only been to my first class, Criminal Procedure, and it was pretty good. that meets M, W, F. yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. for a long time, i was the only girl in the room. i felt pretty awkward. luckily about 10 more came in. all of them late. the class sounds interesting enough. nothing to do with my major really, but hey, it counts for something GE, i don't remember what though. not much exciting has been happening in my life. just getting ready for school. and now it's here.
also, i had a great weekend, i hung out with a bunch of cool people Saturday. we went to the driving rang. which is where you hit golf balls. unless you are me, then it's where you attempt to hit golf balls. i spent a average of 5 minutes just trying to hit each one, it went like this.
*swing* crap i missed, *swing* dang it! *swing* really???!!
now repeat that about 20 times.
moral of that trip, never assume i will hit the ball.
we then went to the park, crammed into 2 cars (mine being one) and drove to Top of the World. now if you've never been there, i can't tell you where it is. if you have been there you know what i mean. for those of you who haven't been there, it's a place in Fremont, that is on a hill and you can overlook the bay from it. the only way you are allowed to get directions to it is by being taken there by someone else. it's pretty fun to go to, but it's gotten more sketch lately. too many people go up there to smoke/have "dates" or whatever. but if you can time it right and get up there alone, it's a amazing view. after that we went to MickyD's for a bit, and then back to the park (where the rest of the cars where) we then decided to meet up again later and watch a movie, which was also super fun. then Sunday i had church and then went with my mommy to see the play Annie. also very good, but dang, did they drag that out! like really, move on! intermission should be 15 minutes MAX don't do a 20 minute long one and THEN do a raffle after it that takes up another 10 minutes. uggggh. but i still made it to the mission trip meeting on time. Sam and i hit up MickyD's again before Impact and then we had super fun. even if John pretty much dropped me during the game... we where doing the lifeguard pose (it's a really random game that i don't know how to explain, but he pretty much just had to be holding me, like he was "saving me") as he says he "slowly put me on the ground" i say, he sucks and i can't believe he's a real lifeguard. I'M NEVER TRUSTING YOU TO SAVE MY LIFE!
(i kid, well...sorta)
then i got home, packed my backpack, and slept. that was fun. i like sleeping.
this morning i got up and went to the gym. to sign in at the gym you have a member #, that you tell them when you come in and they type it in.
well after like the 2nd time this one guy signed me in, he remembers my number now. it's slightly creepy. i open the door and he already has me signed in. i've never seen anyone do this for anybody else. ever. one time he even like jumped in front of the other guy to do it... i don't even know what his name is! i'm not sure if i should be creeped out or not...
but oh well. i made it to school, on time even. got to my class, and now i'm here. i'm getting hungry and of course i forgot my lunch in my car... more exercise! i get to hike the hill again! yaaaaay. but i should probably get on that or i'm gonna be eating late by the time i make it up here...
so i'm gonna wrap this up.
wish me luck for the rest of the day! my last class ends at 10... pm.
random fact
my feet are always cold.

peace!
emilie
p.s. no picture this time. i'm sorry, but i'm hungry.

sound track of my life.

basically, there isn't really one.
i mean, i will listen to pretty much any type of music. i'm a fan of country and hip-hop. and yes i will listen to scream-o. for about one song. then i'm done. i find myself getting angry.
i tend to go for the more soft and acoustic music, overall. but i love just pop music too. i just like my music making me feel happy. (unless i'm upset. then it's Taylor Swift all the way!)
i'm one of those people that plays many things (guitar, bass, banjo, 6 string banjo(or bantar). i also sing and have played piano and violin.) but i never mastered one (actually, i was pretty good at the bantar/guitar) i like music. but it's not a deep passion. i hate theory. i hate reading music. i was much better at playing by ear and just simple cords.
but what i hate the most, is when people say that i have to have a favorite type of music.
because, i really don't. if you look at my playlists i'm all over the place. everywhere. heck, i just went from Green Day, to Brandon Heath and now i'm on Taylor Swift, next up is The Kooks.
like i said, there isn't a norm for me. i really don't care. as long as nobody is yelling at me, i will listen to it.

another thing that most people think is weird about me is that i find skyping really awkward. i have skyped 2 people. Kevin and Kristen. and when Kristen and i skype, we hardly even look at each other. ahaha. i have to know you really well to even want to. is there anyone else that thinks that way? i'm sure i'll use it more when i'm away for school, but i don't understand when people who live in the same town use it all the time... Kristen and i use it when we want to talk about something that's to long to text, or if we're bored. and not even often. but i know people who live 5 minutes away that skype like every other day. why? you just saw them!

aight. i think that's the end of my rants...
HELLO LAST WEEKEND OF FREEDOM!

random fact
i can't say some words. like pillow, specifically (or specific) and anything with a "th" like my dogs name, Faith. i say Faif. i just can't do it. pillow i'm not sure what i say, but everyone says it's funny. and specific. i just can't do. at all. i have to just say pacific really quickly and hope no one notices.
i'm out,
emilie
also, watch this. a great song and music video. this is the edited version of the song, but the video still tells all. it's well worth the watch.

Pink - F***ing Perfect.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3GkSo3ujSY&feature=youtu.be

did you miss me? and Brandon Heath

probably not, unless you really like the ramblings of a 17 (close to 18!) year old girl. but hey, maybe you do?
anyways, i've been MIA for a few days just because i've been busy. and i figured i would send this off before a busy weekend (it's my mommy's birthday tomorrow! happy birthday!)
well today i got to go with Matt Knapp and Pattie Fisher to see part of the place that we will be staying/serving at for our upcoming mission trip (once again, if you want to support me, let me know!)  it was amazing. we got to see part of the sleeping place as well as walk through the Tenderloin area, and get a really good lunch. we also had a great conversation/prayer with Justin, a homeless man we met. he's been out of a job for 2 years and has no where to go. it's amazing to think that i will get to be doing stuff like that all day everyday for a week. yes it is out of my cozy zone, but i really want to be stretched like that.
and that was all very fun and eye opening. i then also got to go get some frozen yogurt with Rachel, she's leaving to go back to school Saturday :( and now, i'm getting ready for bed. but i figured you all would (maybe) want a update.
basically, that's what i did today. i had a pretty busy week. Tuesday i... umm... i know i did something. haha, but i got to Skype Kevin at the end of the day, that was nice. Wednesday was busy. Gym, pick up nick, Club J and then Girls Group. but again a really good day. then today was busy. tomorrow i'm going to coffee, then taking Rachel to Bart and then coming back home for my mommy's birthday!
so yes, big day(s).
this weekend i'm hanging around before starting back up at Ohlone on Monday. i'm pretty excited actually. =]
the other day i was listening to some music by Brandon Heath. a great Christian artist. who is also SUPER cute. like wow, cute.
but anyways one of his love songs came on. now you have to understand. i have met him. in person. he picked me up off the dock at Malibu and held my hand as i got into the boat. it was amazing. (yeah i have a little crush...)
buuut i also met his girlfriend. haha. she is a amazing person too. basically, her and her family have a huge house next door to Malibu, but they also have like a hotel thing, that really important people and world leaders from everywhere stay at. the Goff's are amazing people. talking to Bob for 2 minutes will change your life forever. but my "boss" lives kinda under their house, and the retail team got to go there for a spa day on our day off. and Brandon Heath picked us up. then Lindsey and Mrs Goff hung out with us during our spa day. it was great.
and can i just say, that after you have seen the two of them together, hearing the love songs makes it sooooo much sweeter.
for sure a top moment/day in my life.
i will share a picture so you can see what i'm talking about. sadly, i never got a chance to have a picture taken with him. but hey
HE HELD MY HAND!

okay, you got 3 pictures.
you can't tell me he's not good looking. plus he can sing. if you haven't heard him, go, check him out. now!

random fact
i have a freckle on the palm of my left hand, and on my pinkie finger. i used to have one on the bottom of my foot, but i don't know where it went. i've had a couple of warts removed from there (it's a yucky story) and i think it might have gone with it....
until i write again
emilie

brain barf

i swear, getting into my bed makes me hungry. i just ate too....
i should just go to sleep so i stop thinking about food.
and i also don't really have anything to write.
so i'm going to post a bunch of pictures and you can try to figure out what i'm thinking about

yep, thats my brain at the moment.

random fact

i cannot take most pain killers. they make me barf. which kinda defeats the purpose of taking them

peace out

emilie

where i am.

this is what i feel like.
i never knew i could feel like this without that person by my side.
i never knew i could be so joyful with just me and God
i've proved myself wrong in so many ways.
i guess sometimes you do have to get a little hurt to grow.
i'm glad i am here now, so glad

random fact
i have double jointed elbows, i can turn my arms around backwards. i can also put both of my feet behind my head.
love ya all,
emilie

the blood suckers

i donated blood for the 3rd time today (Yay me!)
the other 2 times i've done this i've had no issues, besides the fact that my blood pumps really fast. so every time they stick the needle in, i squirt the nurse/my arm/the stress ball with blood. yeah it's pretty gross. buuuut other then that i've never been dizzy, never felt sick, never bruised, never had anything go wrong.
until today.
she went to put the needle in and something just hit wrong. blood was coming out, but reaaaaaally slow. so she had to move the needle around in my arm.
OW
that freaking hurt. like, really hurt. i could feel a needle moving in my freaking arm. (not to scare anyone away, but it's not a little needle, MOST of the time it doesn't hurt. pinkie swear)
so she got it in the right place and i was pumping my blood out. yaaaaay
well then she pulled out the needle, and i squirted. again. (curse my fast heart!)
so i got all wrapped up and felt fine. really, this doesn't turn me off AT ALL from giving blood again. i also found out i might be able to donate platelets. which you can give every 2 weeks instead of 2 months. so i'll have to look more into that.

now, my mom and i decided to stop by the mall real quick after. so i got my red bandage on my arm and my little sticker that says "be nice to me, i donated blood today" and we walk in. you know those little cell phone stand things in the mall? well one of the guys in one like waves at me and goes "oh did you give blood today?" i really wanted to just say no and walk away. just to see what happened. buuut he was actually being really nice haha, so then he asked where i gave and my mom told him that there was a Red Cross center right across the street. then he goes "well i would give, but i'm really scared of needles" i was kinda wondering why he would ask me where it was if he didn't intend to give at all... but oh well. so i told him that it really just felt more like a pinch (it really does, it doesn't hurt) but i don't think i convinced him. but hey, i have a new friend now! he waved at me when i left! haha

so if you haven't ever given blood, and you can, why aren't you? are you scared it's going to hurt? it won't. (well, most of the time...) are you scared of passing out? there's tons of nurses around! it's the best place to pass out at! plus, you get free juice and snacks! what could be better? AND you get a sticker! its a great deal! they even tell you your blood pressure, iron levels, blood type and your pulse. it's like a mini check up!

so get out there and give your blood!

random fact

i ALWAYS, always have nail polish on my toes. the only time they are naked, is when i'm changing colors.

see ya!

emilie

what was i saying?

i'm really, really forgetful sometimes. or maybe its just more that i get distracted really easily. i'm pretty sure i'm probably ADD, i mean, like i've said in earlier blogs, my brain flies at a million miles a minute, but also, there are times i'm just sitting there thinking, then all of the sudden, i can't even tell you what i was thinking about. like *POOF* gone. but the thing i have a really good memory. sometimes it's to the point where it creeps people out. yes i do remember you from 1st grade even though i haven't seen you since, plus i can recall at least one conversation or thing we did together. i also just remember random stuff. like trivia crap. totally random. sometimes that comes in handy, but once again, sometimes it's just weird.
now about the getting distracted, i could be in the middle of a conversation with anybody, about something serious, and then something shinny catches my eye, i'm gone. but only for a second, i can always bring it back, so at least that good, right?

that is also why i can change topics so quickly

bam, we're on a new page
i hope you all kept up with that.
i really want to see Paranormal Activity 2, like really bad, and i want to see Devil (i think that's what its called...) but the problem is, i'm a baby in scary movies. like it's bad. i end up hiding behind my hands, i sleep with the lights on for weeks. jumping a lot, screaming, all of it. but at the end, i'll tell you i loved the movie. for some reason every scary movie that i go to see in the theater, i end up going LATE at night. like at midnight. you think i would learn... but both of these are out on dvd now, so i just have to find someone who will put up with me to watch them :D
also, i really want to see the Social Network.... i'm kinda behind in movies at the moment... haha

ah, i just heard the train outside. i remember when we first moved here it scared the crap out of me, it used to wake me up at night, but now, if i can't hear it, i miss it.  also, i have to hear a clock ticking to sleep well. like if i buy a new clock i HAVE to make sure it ticks, it can't be a quite one. i used to have friends who hated the sound and it was always a issue at sleep overs

school update: i have all of my books (6 of them...) for my 5 classes, 16 units. and one of those classes doesn't even have a book... oh well. i'm actually still on the wait list for one, but i'm 2nd, so i'll be getting in, hopefully i'm one of those people that does well in night classes, because 3 of the 5 are at night... yikes. basically, if you want to hang out with me, you gotta call on Friday or Saturday night haha. but that's okay, who even does anything on weeknights now, right?

this spring break i'll be going on a Mission Trip with my youth group to San Francisco. i'm super excited, but also, i'm almost nervous. like what will it be like to be doing mission work so close to where i live? also, i'm really excited about this fundraiser we're doing. it's called "Guys and Dolls" we're putting on a dinner/dance date night for anyone aged high school and up themed after the 40's. you can come, eat, dance and it all goes to support the trip. you get to dress up. it's February the 13th, so if you want to go let me know! tickets are only 10 bucks each and we'll even have childcare! if you buy a ticket from me, then you are helping me pay my way, all of the money i raise gets to go right to my fund (yaaaay!) so if you're at all interested, you know where i am! :D
we'll i should be getting to bed here... i've got stuff going on tomorrow!

random fact
i think Tinkerbell is the cutest thing. my binder is a Tinkerbell one. also, when i was 5 i got my cat, long story short, i thought he was a she. so i named "her" Tinkerbell. once i found out "she" was a he, it changed to Tinker. i miss him =[

ttfn
emilie

did a 5 year old write this?

no actually, i did.
lets just say i hate, hate, hate my handwriting. because of my learning difficulties, i have a horrible pencil grip and i just have awful handwriting. like it looks like a 5 year old (or a jr. high boy) wrote it. i have always hated it. girls should have cute, girly handwriting with hearts over the "I's" right? yeah, thats not mine. ask anyone who knows me. it actually embarrasses me.
but i'm trying to fix that.
so here i sit with the "Italic handwriting series" book. so far, it's improving, after my one lesson. i have written "a quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" like 7 times, but hey, that's how you form a habit right? basically i'm going to feel like i'm in kindergarten for the next few days, but hopefully, this will pay off in the end and you will be able to tell that it was a girl writing that note, not a boy.

i think it's pretty funny that my generation is so good at the typing and texting, but so horrible with actually writing. i mean think about it, when was the last time you got a letter in the mail? mine was July 26th, but that was because i was in Malibu and the only way you can communicate with home is by mail. but besides that, i'm not sure i could tell you when i got a letter. heck, even if i send one, then most of the time it's a letter that i typed up on the computer and just printed out and signed. so maybe my bad handwriting isn't that bad. besides for when i have to write an in-class essay for my final... i'm glad my teacher likes me, or i would have failed that based on handwriting and spelling alone.

totally off the subject, but tonight in the girls bible study, we talked about beauty. about how inward beauty is more important, but how we often look and judge based only on the outer beauty. so this week i'm supposed to look at people and see how they are beautiful on the inside. i know this will be hard. but i really think it's something that everyone should try to do. like why wouldn't you? wouldn't you want to see the beauty in everyone? so this is my challenge to all of you to do the same with me.

well i'm gonna sign off for now, it's almost time for teen mom! (i love that and 16 & pregnant, both are actually really well done and show it like it is.)
random fact
i can not stand the sounds that people make while they're eating. it's disgusting.
until later
emilie

i am happy

my life right now is nothing that i would have imagined it to be like a year ago.
but i'm perfectly fine with that
i'm so happy. i'm so in love. but it's not with a boy.
with God.
Sunday i said i wanted to have a more personal relationship.
i found it.

random fact
i have not seen my natural hair color since i was 12.
much love,
emilie

babysitting woes

babysitting.
i have tons of odd stories from babysitting. one time i was watching two little girls, there mom was out of town for a couple of weeks and dad wanted to go have guy time. i got there about a hour before bed time, we watched a Barbie movie, gave them a bath and then it was bed time. i then watched tv for a couple hours before the dad came home early. he told me he won $400 in poker, and wanted to leave before he lost it. i ended up getting a tip that pretty much doubled what i charge for babysitting. also, another time one family gave me a Christmas card with a large gift card in it. now when stuff like that happens, its not common, but nice. however most of the time its either messy, smelly or headache inducing things that happen. like a baby overfilling the diaper (that was gross) or you're with one kid and the other proceeds to dumb every toy in the house into a pile. or you get the temper tantrum of death because you tell the little boy he needs to wipe the snot off of his face (yes that actually happened. a hour long tantrum because i asked him to blow his nose) pretty much anything can happen.

last night i was babysitting, we watched old Disney cartoons, so that was pretty fun, got the girls into bed without any issues. that was at 8:30. i was there until 12. so i decided i would watch some tv, which would have been nice, but i couldn't find the remote. anywhere. first i looked in the of couch and the chair, under the table, under the rug, under the couch and chair. nothing. looked behind the tv, nothing. so i decided to see if i could just change it on the cable box. no such luck. i could turn it on, but not change the channel. but at least i had channel 7 now, right? sure, if you like watching Access Hollywood and Dateline. i decided that maybe since they have a 2 year old, they hid the remote. i looked everywhere. in the kitchen, in the closet under the stairs, in the bathroom even. i don't think it was in the house. or the parents (or one of the girls...) is really good at hiding things. or it could just be that they are always stuck watching channel 7... maybe i should start sticking our remote in my purse, just in case =]
but for the most part, babysitting is pretty uneventful.

on a side note, i really want these
http://www.toms.com/womens/new-styles/black-glitters-shoes

i'm a 8 1/2 if anyone is wondering and wants to surprise me. =]
Tom's are shoes that if you buy a pair, then they donate a pair to a child in need. plus they are super comfy.

random fact
i have worn glasses since i was 22 months old. i have worn contacts since i was 12. my left eye is lazy and i have no depth perception because i can barely see out of it.
ttfn
emilie

France, Uncle Stephen and scars

well France has joined in reading. i wonder if it's because i was talking about French's mustard...? if one of you wants to fill me in feel free =]

today is the 7th of January. that means that in just 10 days it will be 2 months since my Uncle Stephen passed away. for those of you that don't know me, (it's odd thinking that people who don't know me read this, but sorta cool at the same time) my uncle has been mentally handicapped his whole life, about 10 years ago, he fell down some steps and became paralyzed from the neck down. he has since been in nursing homes as well as in and out of the hospital. starting in August in went in and out about 3 times i think, with some massive infections and surgeries. his colon and basically failed. i'll save you the yucky details on here, but that sums it up. on October 30th i was doing a fundraiser with my youth group, and a group of us went to the hospital to visit several people from the church. me and Kristen made it into ICU to see him. he can be really hard to understand, so the conversation was pretty limited, but he asked if we would be going trick or treating the next day, we told him yes and he said to remember that he likes peppermint patties and regular M&M's. sadly i never got the chance to bring him any. it starting going down hill from there. he stopped eating solid food and wasn't comfortable. he was on many different medications, to lower his blood pressure and ease pain. on November 17th in the afternoon our family friend went to see him, at that point he had been in a normal hospital room, once there she texted my mom and told him that he wasn't there anymore, she found out he had once again been moved back into ICU. my mom was catering that night and i was at club j, my dad left his Bible study to go be with him after they did a Cat-Scan. they called him and told him they where taking him back into surgery that night. i picked up my mom and we got there at about 8:45, at about 9:15 the doctor came out and told us there was nothing he could do. he would be gone within hours. i stepped out and called my brothers and texted some people who needed to know. my brothers got there, Matt Knapp and Pastor Greg made it, as well as our family friend. it was so unreal knowing that we where going into a room to say goodbye to someone. that this was really the last time we would see him.

we where all allowed to gather in the small room at once. it was nice having Pastor Greg there, he has done this many times before and could tell us what all of the monitors meant. the nurses took uncle Stephen off of the blood pressure medication, gave him pain killers and some relaxers. he never actually woke up again, but we could tell he knew we where there. he blinked a few times and would relax if we talked to him. we got to be there to pray him home. to say the last things we wanted to say. it wasn't easy at all, but at the same time, a blessing.
he left this earth at about 11:30. we had about 2 hours warning, which is more then many get.

because of costs and everything, he was cremated. now what i didn't expect was how weired out i would be when my dad brought his ashes home... they are all wrapped up in a box. we actually haven't put him in the cemetery yet (he's going in our church's little church) so there still somewhere in our house. buuut i told my mom to make sure they are somewhere i can't find them. i have no clue where they are. and i plan on keeping it that way. for some reason it just made me feel odd knowing that my uncle was now all put into this urn/box.

death isn't a nice, pretty thing... but at the same time it's just a part of life. sometimes the end comes early (knock on wood) and other times, people live forever.

i'm really hopping that i won't have to face death like that again. but at the same time, it's going to come up again sometime in my life. 

this is kinda a depressing topic in someways. but it was just on my mind, so i figured i would share it.

random fact
i have 5 scars on my left knee, 3 on my right. one set is from a accident, the other is from surgery.
until the next post
emilie

life plans and mustard?

today, was eh. i had to go buy one of my books at Ohlone and get my parking permit. they just changed the book store over to a private seller, so all of the counts are wrong. i'm really glad i got most of them online. they had the one i was planning to buy there, but 2 they didn't have any of and the other 3 they only had like 2 of each. you think by now i would be used to hiking up the hill (if you don't know the campus, it's on a hill, with tons of stairs. you get a work out going to class.) but it really isn't anything i have been able to get used too. there's so many freaking stairs! ugh.

one thing i found out after i started taking college classes is that i actually like school. who would have guessed, right? i like being able to study what i want to study. i like being able to do my hw when i want. i like that i don't always have to be there. and i like feeling like i'm learning something. i'm actually really excited for all of my books to get here.

right now my plan is to get my AA in Early Childhood Studies, then transfer to Sac State to get my BA (or it might be BS there... i don't remember, it varies so much by school for my major) in Early Childhood Development. this means i could either be a teacher, have my own childcare, work towards owning my own pre-school, or go more into the research side of it. but i think i'm going to go more for teaching then research, but who knows how that will change in like 2 years? a year ago i wasn't even thinking about getting my BA.

yeah after reading all that, i'm pretty sure i'm really a nerd. i pretty much like all of school besides math... i hate math. i can do it, but i'm always flipping numbers everywhere and then things get messy. i even like doing hw sometimes.  okay, now i'm sure that i am a nerd... oh well. i still like me =]

so anyways, after my crazy workout at Ohlone, i picked up Nick from school. he always talks a lot in the car and i love it. today we where talking about Storm Troopers (he loves Star Wars) and then out of the blue he goes "hey Em, when i'm in 4th grade, will you still pick me up?" it was really cute (me or my family has watched him since he was 6 weeks old, so we're really close) but at the same time, it made me kinda sad. because, he's in 1st grade now, the means that i'll probably only be around for 2nd grade, then be off at school for 2 years, then who knows where i'll be? all i can say is, that little boy better get skype so we can still talk. because i will really miss him. one day, one of the kids in his class asked him who picked him up, he told them i was his best friend. they told him i was too old to be his friend. so now if anyone asks he calls me his aunt. last year, i was watching him and had to finish up some hw, he wanted me to play a game with him, but i had to tell him that i really needed to finish this for my class the next day. he looked at me and said "well tell your teacher i said to stop giving you so much homework so that you can play with me! it's better!" sometimes he just says the funnest things. i don't know what i would do without that boy. he also has taught me everything i know about baseball.

well i'm tired. so i think its time to move on. but rest assured that once school starts, you will have some more interesting blogs.
also, congrats to Rev. Matt Knapp on being installed as our official youth pastor =]

random fact
i love mustard. i will eat just straight up mustard. the smell also has no affect on me at all. and don't give me any kind besides French's. the rest are nasty.

ttfn,
emilie :)

the gym, left and right and my numb tongue

i love going to the gym. i think i'd rather go by myself then with people. mostly because i'm one of those people that sweats easily. (tmi anyone?) and my face gets red. buuuut i also just like the alone time. i like being by myself sometimes to think. i have one of those brains that goes in about 12 different directions at once. but when i'm with myself it makes sense. sometimes, when i'm with other people, i can't remember what i was thinking about 2 seconds ago. 

part of the reason my thoughts go everywhere is because i have 2 learning disabilities, Dyslexia and Dysgraphia. the Dyslexia means that i have a hard time with writing and spelling and Dysgraphia means i flip numbers and letters and have a hard time tracking when i read, so i read up and down the lines. i really used to let it define me. and then last year, i pretty much chose to live my life like i wanted too. i started working harder in school, i get good grades, but i really have to try for them. i made the choice to duel enroll as a college student and high school student. i then also chose not to get any special help. so far, i think i like trying more by myself then being helped through everything. i think that i used to get more frustrated and held back the more people tried to help me. i know i can do this by myself now.

but when i'm trying to talk to other people, sometimes my brain messes with me. i get to far ahead of the conversation and confuse the other people.  i also have a really hard time with my lefts and rights. if you watch me you'll see me doing the "L" thing with my hands. haha.

but anyways, as much as i love being with my friends, i really like just being by myself. it's a lot quieter. i think i do my best thinking then.

there really isn't any point to this blog, but to say that 1) i like going to the gym 2) i have some learning disabilities 3) i can't tell my left from my right.

random fact:
salt and vinegar chips make my tongue go numb. but i still love them
hope you liked this short-ish post =]
until the next one
emilie

Woodleaf, Mexico, Malibu and here.

if you haven't been able to figure it out yet, i'm just a girl running around in life, trying to figure out what i'm doing here. its a weird journey for me, because, before i got to this point in my life, i really didn't care. i knew what i myself wanted and figured that it would eventually happen. but i started growing up, and i figured out that if you want things to happen you have to at least be trying to make them happen.

i first started growing in my faith when i was 15, the summer after my freshmen year. i went to Woodleaf with Young Life for a summer camp. i wasn't at a good place with my life. i was hurting. my family was not doing well, as we had just had some pretty shocking events come out that changed all of our lives. (but that really isn't my story to tell. if you ask me in person i might answer you) and i was upset. i told God i was done with him. if he was going to do this to me, why should i even want to be with Him? the reason i went to camp? i was already signed up to go. and it meant i got to get away. i don't remember most of the lessons. only 1 really. i had fun, but i didn't share during the small group time. i hung out with friends, but i didn't connect. until the 6th night. after you've been in Younglife for awhile, you find out that night 6 is the cross talk at camp. well it hit me hard and fast this time. after the talk they gave us time to go outside and have a quite time with God. i sat there, angry, with tears rolling down my face. i told God that if He was there, if He cared at all about my life, this was His chance to prove it to me. to show me. and then, i felt it. i'm sure you know someone who is bigger then you and really good at giving hugs, well imagine that, times 1000x. it still wouldn't feel like i felt that night. wrapped up, warm and safe. it was like God Himself was sitting there, holding me as i cried.
i didn't need anything else. i knew that He really did care about me. i told him i wanted Him back, i wanted a relationship for the first time.

that's when my journey really started, then i joined up with Centerville Presbyterian Church. i began going to the youth group, i felt like i was accepted, i belonged. and it didn't matter who i was. i had a new start.
the spring break of my sophomore year, we went to Mexico the first time. it was the first time i started to open up to other people about my story, about how i felt before and after God. and while i learned a lot that trip, i still felt like i was stuck as that new Christian from the summer before. i wanted to grow, but didn't know how.

the next summer i went back to Woodleaf, i still felt like i was just stuck in this place of loving God, but not going anywhere with it. i was a Christian, but it was just a name, not a life style.

that spring break, it was back to Mexico. but it was different this time. i'm not even sure i could describe it, but i started to feel like it was time to break out of this place, to find myself. i started searching on this trip. but it was the summer after that everything will change...

the next summer, this last one (2010) i went to Malibu. as i've written in blogs before, this was a scary trip for me. but once i was actually there, amazing things happened. i felt God, i heard God, i saw God. i wanted God. i began to deal with many emotions while i was there. things i don't think i could explain and things that made me break down. i finally wanted to be myself. not the me that the world was telling me i was. while i was there, i learned more about myself then i knew before. i have to say, i think the best heart to hearts i had where with my friends Eric and Taylor. Eric was garbage boy, that meant it was his job to gather trash, sort the trash, and burn the trash. normally he worked with garbage man, but one night a week garbage man was busy elsewhere and Eric did it himself. i started following him those days, he wouldn't let me help (the garbage was pretty nasty) but i would sit on the garage bag i would unfold on the ground and we would talk. i'm not really sure how long they would last, but we had long talks. about everything. he helped me form many of my beliefs, helped me put wording and a voice to them. he also helped me through some tough news i received from one of my best friends while i was there. he would just hug me if i cried, and talk me though it if he could. i really wish he didn't live in North Carolina. Taylor and i bonded over the fact that we had one of the same struggles in life. never before had i met someone who could relate to me in so many ways. that helped me accept who i was and be okay with the fact that i messed up. and realize it wasn't my fault.
one of my leaders, Shari, sat with me one day on the steps, we talked, just talked about my life. everything, where i lived, my family and how i felt i had messed up. she was the one who showed me how, without me knowing it, past events where messing up my present. she gave me the knowledge on how to work past it. i couldn't thank her enough.

without that summer, i'd be scared to see who i'd be today. i have a feeling it'd be very different. and i don't think it would be good different.

i wish i could be back there, or that Malibu could be here. but that isn't possible, instead i have to make myself be that person here. it isn't easy, but i have finally realized, that for the first time in a long time. i'm actually happy. i'm happy all the way through. not just on the outside. and i have also found out that sometimes, you have to go through the pain and hurt to get to that happy. and i've never been more glad that i did.

also, you should check out JJ Heller's music. i love listening to her. it makes me smile.=]
random fact
i love scarves. a lot.

see you later!
emilie

mismatched socks and ice cream

lets switch it up and go for things i love this time around

1. candles, they are just relaxing. i don't really know why i like them, but i do. and i have a bunch lit right now, which is why this is on the top of the list.

2. my heated blanket. i really want to met the person who thought to make a blanket that gets extra warm. they are very smart.

3. comfy pants. who doesn't like to slip on a nice loose pair of sweats or pajama pants?

4. kittys. i used to have a cat, his name was Tinker. i miss him. as soon as i live somewhere that lets me have a cat i am going and getting one. even before i unpack.

5. make up. i don't know why, but i think its so much fun to play with and use. i'm not trying to cover my face or anything.

6. books. i love to read. i wish i had more time for just for fun reading. but i still figure out how to fit it in.

7. pink. i love the color pink. i always have. i've never had a other favorite color. just pink.

8. mac and cheese. if you want to make me happy, bring me some good mac and cheese. you will get a huge hug.

9. good hugs. but don't give me a weird wimpy one armed hug. i'd rather just not hug you.

10. singing along and blasting the radio while i drive. and singing badly. plus add in odd dance moves. i have no shame. 

there you go, now you know ways to make me happy. i would try using your new found powers for good, not evil.

lets see... i don't really have a good story to follow this one up with... hmmm...

i could talk more about Malibu... but maybe i should save up some of those stories...
hmmm...
well i have to leave in like 15 minutes so i better figure this out..

i made this ice cream. while i was at Malibu, i worked in the ice cream shop/snack bar. and i was the girl who got to make the ice cream the most. and funny thing was, making ice cream was really really really hot. haha. but i loved it, it always gave me time to think and be with God. i think i made 40 gallons of ice cream, or something like that. and one week i ended up in charge of the entire camps dessert. by myself. it was so cool to watch everyone eat it. haha =]

well that ends this post.
random fact
i never, ever match my socks.
until next time
emilie

this is my first blog of 2011, does that make it better then the rest?

lets make that 3 for Malaysia and 4 for Canada, plus a bunch of you from here, i am starting to feel popular (popular, i know about popular! if you can name that song you get 1 emilie point)

for this blog, i'm going to list things i don't like. why? because i can =]
1. acne, now really, i thought that this was something i was going to outgrow. but the worst, is black heads. ugh. for zits, i swear by toothpaste (leave it on until it just starts to burn then wash it off. your zit will be smaller or gone by the next day, but DO NOT leave it on for more then 10 minutes, you will burn off layers of skin.) but for black heads, i can find no cure...

2. the way i keep cutting my hair. i swear, every time i try to grow it out, i hit this point where i just want to chop it off. that is not happening this time. if i say ANYTHING about cutting it, hide all of my scissors, call every hair salon near me and tell them to turn me away and then wait like 2 days. i'll be over it. it WILL get long this time.

3. youth group hopping. i don't understand how you can go to 3 different youth groups, plus your church and feel like you're growing anywhere. aren't you too spread out to be able to grow?

4. people who whine and bitch about people whining and bitching. but if i really talk about this any, i'll be saying i don't like myself, so lets move on!

5. girls who say that hate that guys are always after one thing, but only give them that one thing to go after. make yourself worth more then a easy hook up and you'll find a good guy.

6. that person who is only you're friend when a)they want gossip b)they need a ride/money/food c)they have no one else to hang out with. really, if i'm your "best friend" you'll be around more

7. how people don't call each other any more. i remember having hours long conversations on the phone with friends/boys before texting became popular.

8. how facebook creates drama. "what? it's facebook official they got together/broke up?????
" if people are close to you and need to know, they should know from you, not the internet.

i think that's enough for now. i'm not in a bad mood or anything, just thought you'd all love to know!

you know, one more thing i hate. i'm ALWAYS early. 5 minutes. Matt Knapp, my youth pastor, always knows it's me walking in... i have to actually force myself to not be early or late. and sometimes, even when i'm trying to be late, i still end up there early. i guess it's better then always being late, but it annoys me sometimes as well.

also, i have habits that bug me, i paint my nails, then pick off the paint if i'm bored. i twirl my hair when i'm nervous or bored. when i get tired i pick off the mascara from my eyelashes. also, whenever i put on a shirt/dress/top i stick my arm down the neck before putting it on. there's no point to it at all and i have no clue where i picked it up from. but my mom pointed it out one day when i was trying things on.. i can't stop myself from doing it either. also, if i'm nervous about something, i clench my stomach really tight. until the point that it actually hurts and i can't eat. but it's really hard for me to relax it.
habits are odd things. and who knows why we pick them up? i can't recall when i started doing any of these things, not a clue. but i do, and it's really hard to stop doing any of them. i wish that it was easier to pick up some habits though. like putting down the junk food, or going to the gym, or picking up my bible. turning off the phone for a bit, getting offline. i don't understand why it's soooo easy to do something that's either useless or destructive, but so hard to pick up a good one.

if you have any answers for me, feel free to leave them in the comments, eiher about how to get rid of black heads, or pick up good habits. or a combo deal of the two would be nice.

random fact
i have a birth mark that covers almost my entire stomach. but most people can't see it, even if i point it out. because it covers so much.
until next time!
emilie

and because i felt this needed a picture.

what i got to wake up to for a month in Canada, eh (sorry, i had too. i actually came home with a tiny bit of a Canadian accent... ask my mom)