well hello Malaysia!

yep that's right, i've hit big time. 1 person in Malaysia has read my blog. if you're reading this, hello! you make me feel slightly famous.  

hmmm.. lets see, whats going on in my brain tonight...

well i guess i could explain the name of this blog. you see, i love this song called "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. its not anything new, but still a great song. (i'm listening to her new cd right now actually) i really like the idea, that even though, things might be going bad right now, or not our way, there's still hope, because, you still have the future. we don't have to live in the past, nobody can tell you who you are and we can make our life what we want. and the rest is still unwritten is one of the main lines in the song, so there you go =]
if you've never heard it, you should
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI
you should listen to pretty much all of her music actually. her new stuff is really good so far!

now if you know me, you know i'm really not the serious. and depending on who i'm with, i keep getting lower in the age i'm acting. one of the people that does that the most to me is my mommy.
yesterday, we were watching the news and they where talking about medical marijuana (i had to google how to spell that, so if someone says something about me looking it up, that is why, i swear). the person reporting then said "we need to weed out the issue at hand here!" we looked at each other and just lost it. we act pretty immature with each other. i remember there's some song out there that has "do, do" in it. every time, my mom laughs, and then i lose it. sometimes there isn't even a real reason why we're laughing actually, one of us starts the giggle and off it goes! when we text each other we actually use "gol" instead of "lol" for giggle out loud. sure we have our fights, but they last about 5 minutes and then one of us starts crying and apologizes and then the other one does it and 5 minutes later we'll be giggling again. i've been told by some of my friends that we don't act like mom and daughter, but more like friends or sisters. frankly, i don't know why i would do with out her. <3

my parents have never been really strict, but they do make sure i'm safe. i can't think of anytime i've had a actual curfew besides when i had my driving curfew. as long as i could text them and tell them where i was, who i was with, my reasoning for staying late and when i'd be home i was fine. (not that i stay out until 1 and party every night) i kinda liked that they let me learn on my own that, hey, staying out late the night before you have to be up at 5 isn't a good idea, instead of just telling me no. they let me get my permit the day i could (day before thanksgiving) so that i would be able to get my drivers licence on my 16th birthday (i passed, thank you very much) they let me just a week after being in the hospital and being only 15, go to New York for a week with my choir, they let me, as a 16 year old, drive myself to Ohlone 3 times a week to take classes. they let me get on a plane, a bus and a boat and go into Canada for a month knowing that they wouldn't hear from me for a month. heck, they let me have a bouncy house for my 16th birthday (i know, i'm a cool kid) but i have to say, what i like the most about them is that they let me learn things for my own. i have friends who complain that their parents won't let them do anything, can't go anywhere can't do this and can't stay out. now, i know for myself that there's really no point in staying out late, or that thing is really overrated, but i know that because my parents just let me actually experience it, instead of, "no because i said so" i think i've learned more from that, then i ever would from hearing the word no over and over again.

well this doesn't feel right without some kinda of picture... hmmm... what can i find...

this is my buddy Nick =] he has less teeth now though...
he's gonna be 7 tomorrow, the 31st. that makes me feel old... i remember the day he was born. i wasn't old enough to go see him so his dad helped sneak me in. i remember his first day of kindergarten too. i cried haha. we have this funny relationship, i'm kinda like his best friend, an aunt, a 3rd sister, and a 2nd mom all rolled into one. i watch him after school a lot and he sleeps over sometimes. i don't know what i would do without this kid, he cracks me up. let me see if i can actually find a cute, smiling picture of him...

he's hard to take pictures of, but i still love him =]

random fact:

i cannot sleep with socks on, no matter how cold it is

until the next blog!

emilie

my secret

Psalm 31:1-2
In you, Lord, I have taken refuge: let me never be put to shame: deliver me in your righteousness. Turn Your ear to me: come quickly to my rescue: be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
Psalm 32: 1-2
Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed are those whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.
Psalm 51: 1-2
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions.  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

now, my secret is, that if you look at the book of Psalms (and Proverbs as a close 2nd) in my Bible, the pages are at least 5x more worn then anywhere else, many of the verses are highlighted. part of this is because in Malibu, our Bible study was on Psalms and Proverbs, but the other reason is, there is just a Psalm for anything. no matter what heart break or joy you have in your life, you can find a Psalm that relates to it. if i'm ever lost in where i want to study next, something always pulls me right back to them. the verses above are some of my favorites, but really, i'd be typing for days if i tried to share all of them with you. the reason i put this as my secret is because, i don't think it should be. what gets me through my days is something i should want to share. so i am.

i think if someone told me i had to pick just one verse to have memorized, to always be that one thing i base my faith off of, it would have to be Psalm 4:8
        In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
right now, i really wish i could be back in Malibu, it was so easy to find God, to be with God, to just be able to hear Him.

this was the view from where i sat to do my quite time most days. it was so easy to just feel God. but the world can't live in Malibu, i have to make my world my Malibu. and no, it's nowhere near as easy as it was there. but i think that's part of our challenge in life. to make it though the tough times. i was lucky to be able to go off and learn how to do it in this beautiful place, and that's more then a lot can say.

my chance to go was a amazing one. you see, in Young Life they let you try out for Work Crew, then fill out a sheet and say which camps you'd rather go to and what times you can do it. i put down Malibu mostly because it was there. not because i thought i would be going. i put it as my top choice, a camp in Arizona was 2nd, Oregon 3rd. i thought for sure that i would be going to one of those. Malibu wasn't even on my mind.
well i was on a choir trip when the e-mail letting me know if i made it or not would be set, so Kevin checked it for me and texted me to tell me that yes, i did make it into the program. but i didn't have any e-mail for which camp yet. so i texted Carol Carter. she replied while i was watching another choir preform. i say my purse light up and ducked under the pew to see what it said.
"i hope you have a passport.... welcome to MALIBU!"
i almost screamed from under the pew. my choir director knew that i was finding out because, depending on the camp i got, i would have to miss a concert. i got the "Guzman look" but he was happy for me. i hit forward and sent the text off to a bunch of people. and then i had the thought. "how do i pay for this?"
you see, i get free room and board, but getting there is up to me. so i need airfare to and from Seattle ($300), plus the $175 for the bus and boat ride that was needed into Canada and to camp.
i started asking around for help, Carol looked for me and couldn't find anything. then she motioned my issue to a women (Kevin's aunt actually) that worked in the office, i soon got a call from her, she wanted to know if i could show up with me, my dad and however many brothers i could bring, with bikes and pose for a picture to help her daughter out with a project, that she would start a fund for me if i could. well it sounded kinda odd, but hey, why not?
well we did it, and she handed me a envelope.
i got home and opened it.
i found a check that would completely cover my airfare.
it was a huge shock, so much more then i expected.
i was truly on my way.

i could never thank the people that helped me get there enough. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't be who i am today. i don't even have a clue where i would be, but i know, it would be nothing like this. so if you're reading this, thank you.

random fact:
i have 8 pet guinea pigs. Buttercup, Bubbles, Betsy, Buddy, Puddles, Tops, Kitty and Panda.
also, Blossom (r.i.p...) and Pumpkin (who lives with Brynna) are my other 2 babies.
i never meant to have that many at once..
until next time
emilie

wait... we've been spelling our name...wrong?

since i was thinking about Uncle Stephen last night, i started thinking about something else as well. you see, when we where looking for his birth certificate we also found my grandpa's. and on that we found something none of us knew before that day. our last name was originally spelled:
"Babjak"
now say what?! none of us new this, not even my dad. on my uncles certificate (he was the oldest) it was spelled "Babyak". so know we where just wondering, when did it change? we kept looking through papers and found ones from when my grandpa was in the Army. there the spelling suddenly changed to "Babyak". now talk about a odd discovery right? i'm half Slovakian by the way (my dad's full), and it's not pronounced baby-yak or baby-ak, its bab - yak. most people never say it right. i couldn't count how many times i've told telemarketers that no, nobody named baby-yak lives here. (it's kinda fun to mess with them a bit) in fact, for awhile one of my doctors actually had my last name down as "babybak" that one was funny.

name's are sorta funny things if you think about it, you could be named after someone, you could hate your name, you could get one that nobody can say, or like me, you could accidentally be named 1) the most common girls name for the year you where born and 2) accidentally the same as a girl in a  popular children's book.
you see, my name isn't legally spelled emilie, it's really emily. (i plan on changing that soon) but i've used the ie ending since i was 11.
but the funny part is my middle name, elizabeth. put them together. now, if you've figured out what book that name is from, i applaud you.
for everyone else. its Clifford the Big Red Dog.
they all start off with, "hi, my name's Emily Elizabeth, and this is my dog, Clifford."
now, i couldn't even begin to count the time's i've heard "LIKE CLIFFORD!!!!" when people find out my name. or the amount of time's i've been asked if it was on purpose. (no, it wasn't) but oh well, i like my name, even if i often get confused with a girl who owns a 50 foot red dog.

i actually do have a redish dog, but her name is Faith. and she isn't that big at all =]

random fact:
even though i have a ton of pairs of shoes, i hate actually wearing shoes.
until next time
emilie

this is the story of a girl, who learned how to live

i really don't know why i keep ending up writing this late at night, besides because that's probably when the most thoughts are going thorough my brain. and today, my thought is, life just sucks sometimes. i came across a blog of a couple who welcomed their little baby into the world in October, only to find out 2 months later that she has a huge brain tumor. as of today they have been given the first chance to save their daughters life. by a radical 20 hour surgery. who wants to chose that? if you want to follow their story, here's the link:
http://brandiandchris.blogspot.com/ 
let me warn you, it's heart breaking to read.

i can't imagine what that must be like, when right now, my biggest worries are about finishing my homework, getting the classes i want and figuring out what i'm doing for New Years eve. now, i'm not saying my life is easy, if you know my family at all, you know that my dad was out of a job for a year and a half before getting a part time job at Borders last month. and that just over a month ago we watched my Uncle Stephen leave us and go onto heaven. today (well yesterday since its after midnight) is his birthday. he would be 65. that was a huge struggle and heart break that we all had to go through. yeah, moneys tight, and frankly, it sucks. i'm a thrift store shopper, but right now, i'm just glad that i have my family.
we might be pretty much broke, but we still have our home, we are all still healthy and we all have each other. i couldn't picture my life without any of them, no matter what i say no. heck, i'm luckier then most people, but then my heart breaks when i see something like this. how could God give so much to me and then have this family face the possibility that they may never see their daughter have her first steps, her first words, her first day of school?

right now me and my mom are looking for songs for my graduation slide show, one that we will probably be using is Taylor Swifts "Never Grow Up" and now, in this moment i wish i could go back in time and be that little girl again, the one with out a care in the world. the one who can hide under her blankets and just pretend something didn't happen. 
some days, i don't like being a almost gown up. i don't like the pressure, the decision making i have to do. i'm scared of growing up, not because i don't want to get old, but because i'm scared of what parts of life i'll have to face. i've already had to make some hard choices in life, and been given some crap to deal with. but i'm still a child for now, i can run and cry and throw a fit if i want to. (well, sometimes) but my days of running are limited. now, like the Bible verse promises (and i can't think of the reference) i know God will never give me more then i can handle, but some days, i wish He would stop testing my limits.

part of me wishes i had a dumb story to end this with, and another part wants to keep it a little more serious. i think that part is going to win...
in Malibu (the camp i volunteered at over the summer) i learned a lot about myself, i really learned how to have a conversation with God, i learned some very personal things too, that honestly, nobody but me and God may know about, but one thing that i learned there, was that no matter what, He is always there. we shared our testimonies as a group. ive never seen so many tears. i was the first to go actually, we started off doing 4 sentence testimonies, but as we grew closer, many of us ended up going long over our limit and then some, like me, finally admitted things to the group that i had kept hidden before. we where sitting on the outer dock, looking at this view as we opened up parts of our hearts that where, before unseen by everyone besides ourselves and God...

how i wish i could share how freeing it felt to share that part of me. in that group that i knew there was no judgment, nobody would look on me differently for being flawed, because, we all knew that we where, but we all loved each other and God. really, i don't know where i would be now if it wasn't for that trip. it was one of the hardest things i've ever done in my life. my parents got to stay with me at the gate for my plane, and as soon as they called my row, i looked at my parents and realized, i wouldn't see them for a month. that i wouldn't even be able to hear my mom's voice and could only depend on a letter that may or may not make it on time. as i got onto the plane my tears started, i'm pretty sure the couple next to me was on there way to there honeymoon and i felt a little bad because the women was pretty worried about me. once i landed, i started to feel my tummy sink deeper and deeper, nobody was waiting for me (i later learned that they had written my time down wrong) and i wandered around by myself for a bit, feeling more lost then ever. once i met up with the group, i was sitting and talking to 3 girls i had never met before, along with 2 leaders, having talked to just one on the phone a week before. i almost called my mom to tell her i wanted to go home. i was scared.

why?

because at this point, i hadn't learned how to keep God in my life it wasn't until a week in that i started to be happy to be there, sad that our time was short. until i started to open up to God and let him begin to work in my heart, i was miserable. sure i was having fun, but until that day, on the dock, i wasn't truly there. once i shared my story, once i let other people in, once i admitted my flaws, i finally got it. i had been holding myself so tightly, that i was blocking out God as well, by keeping my hurt my pain and my secrets hidden and blocked from everyone else, i had unknowingly cut out God as well. since that month i have never felt so alive, so willing to face life.

and then days like today hit. and doubt starts to creep back.

if you're close to me, you know i'm dealing with some heart break. and it wasn't until i gave that pain over to God as well, that i started to be able to let myself be okay with moving on from that chapter of my life.

i guess this post is all about how, really, i don't have a clue about what i'm doing in life, besides holding onto God, knowing that He will keep me safe. knowing that, while life isn't fair, there is a reason behind it. sometimes that hold is desperate and i feel like i'm hanging on just to make it out of bed. other days it's as easy as breathing. i'm still learning and frankly

i love it.

Random fact:

i hate having my hair in a pony-tail. only time it happens is if i'm working out

until next time

emilie

my dogs name is Jackson and he approves of this blog

well actually my dogs name is Faith, but my stuffed dog Jackson is sitting on my lap, with Ivan and Eric close by as well. there are also like at least 10 other stuffed things on my bed... but it would take a long time to dig them all up and name all of them, so lets just pretend i did.


since this is a blog about a teenage girl, you might be wondering why i still sleep with so many stuffed animals. well, i really have no clue, besides the fact that i hug/snuggle in my sleep (just ask Kristen, she sleeps over a lot) i often wake up holding one or more, they all have some story behind them, but again, that would take much to long for just one blog =]
now, one thing that i hate about stuffed animals is naming them. mostly because well you don't want to name it and then find out awkwardly that someone you know has that name.
for example,
this past summer i spent a month volunteering at a camp in Canada with a group called Young Life. i worked in the snack bar (also known as the Totem Inn) i made a lot of ice cream. but beyond that, i was part of a team of about 40 other high school students, from ages 14 to 18. now, since this camp is kinda a big deal in YL, there are a lot of people from all over the world. there was a kid from Peru and one from Japan as well as a good number of the states. well one day i was in the lounge type room, talking to one of the leaders about stuffed animals, we started naming ones that we had and i mentioned Eric, my stuffed frog, and that while i didn't bring him (Jackson got to go on this trip) i slept with him pretty much every night and couldn't wait to go home to him, right as i was saying that, guess who walked in the door? that's right, my good friend Eric. since he had no clue what we where talking about it was pretty funny explaining it too him.
thus, i avoid naming my stuffed animals common names.

that's me and Eric, and don't worry, we look like this because it was 80's night


now that you have seen the slightly immature side of me, i should probably tell you, i love acting like a little kid. in fact, when i grow up, i wanna be a pre-school teacher. mostly so i can play with the cool toys. (kidding about that last part... kinda) now this also means, i love kids. i don't understand how people don't. they are just so cute, sweet and say the funniest things. however, i have learned that if while waiting in line at the comcast store and you start playing with the cute 18 month old in front of you, his dad could very well be single and somehow not realize that you are in fact 17 and not as old as he seems to think and you will awkwardly get asked out. this is when the "i have a boyfriend" line comes in handy. along with quickly getting into your car and driving away.  now really, what 17 year old girl in there right mind would want to become a baby mama to a child that they would have had to have had when they where...(im doing math right now) 15!?!? i can tell you right now, none. now, i know that i look a little bit older then i really am, but keep in mind that this day i came from a 3 hour dance class. i was wearing sweats, a nasty old shirt, no makeup and crazy sweaty/curly hair. now, i KNOW that does not look cute. but maybe that counts for something? who knows, lets just say that was one of the most awkward moments of my life so far. (trust me i have quite a few, but Kristen, if your reading this, my most embarrassing/awkward one is NOT to be published! EVER!)


hmmm, since i have now brought up Kristen twice in one blog i feel like there should be a story about the 2 of us. we don't really have any crazy stories... but trust me, we have so much fun when we are together, but i don't think anyone else would understand it. haha. we talk to each other in a weird way, have serious talks but some how, they are the funniest things every. its a unique friendship, and yet, she has only seen me cry once, and it was from behind at my uncles memorial service. we both are still trying to figure out how this is possible, because, it's not like i cry a lot, but i do cry, i don't hold it in. so there is something random about us.  i'm sure that at some point i'll be able to figure out some funny story that i can share about the two of us. besides our late night/morning/afternoon taco bell runs.


i'm running out of stories for the night, so maybe it's time to call this one finished and end with a random fact!
i'm allergic to chocolate, berries, fish and nuts. only the berries and fish really affect me (i've never been able to actually swallow much berry, but it makes my tummy huuuuurt, fish also), but chocolate gives me hives if i eat too much of it or eat a chocolate that's too dark (i've learned to live with it and control it). nuts are hives as well, but i don't like them so it's easy to avoid. with the berries i can tell you right away if there's even a hint of it in my food.



until the next post!
emilie/emiberry
p.s i realize this is really random and filled with old stories, but hey, i'm on break! once i'm busy again i'm sure you'll get more up to date stories! =]

185 eye shadow colors and 14 eyeliners...

Now, i know that sounds like a lot, but really, i have actually used most of the eye shadows and i have used all of those eyeliners.....
(i'm not even going to count all of my nail polish colors...)

moving on..
i said i would talk about where the nick name emiberry came from so here we go.

when i was about 6ish there where these dolls/bears that came out and became pretty popular. they where things like bears, bunnys, cats and lambs, probably about 12ish inches tall. all of them where named something like "hannahberry, sarahberry and mollyberry" well that Easter, i got mollyberry, little brown bear with a green dress and green plaid bows. then i started saving up all my money and getting as many as i could (trust me, they are cute) i still have all of them/clothes/furniture actually. well anyways, after awhile my dad said something about how i should look for one named "emiberry" and the name stuck, even though there never was one named emiberry =[
here is a picture of what mollyberry looks like

pretty cute right? yeah, i have like at least 10 of these =] haha i take them with me when i babysit sometimes.

lets see, i think i should probably tell the story of my closet bed as well.
well, my room isn't very big, but i have a walk in closet, now, i not only roll around a lot when i sleep, but i also sleep walk... (cool part is i clean my room sometimes when i do!) now as far as me and my mom can figure, i've never left my room, but my bed had sharp corners and i kept getting weird bruises on my legs, finally figured that they probably came from hitting my shins when i was sleepwalking. well that mixed with the fact that my room just felt small i decided to measure my closet. perfect size for a full sized mattress! now this starts the episode of me and my mom 1) taking apart my bed. 2) putting up clothing racks 3) moving all clothes out of my closet and the best part 4) putting my mattress into the closet.

part one: well my bed was nasty to put together to start with, my mom sliced her toe open on it... but we got it apart without any trips to the ER. this went over fairly well though, me and my mom ended up on the floor giggling, but if you have ever seen the two of us together, that happens a lot.

part two: i actually did this myself, after cleaning the carpet. IKEA, please, put some words in your manuals... not just weird pictures.... lets skip to 4 hours later...

part three: this involved me and my mom throwing out, sorting and dragging clothes all over my room, as well as dressing and naming the 5 "bodies" that are in my room. now, i would tell you the names, but  don't want a little kid to come across this...(don't worry no bad words, not family friendly though...) lets just say they are modeled after women who appear to be very young and "perky" let your imagination go with the names we thought of. =]

part four: now, remember how i told you the mattress was the perfect fit for the closet... well its really perfect, like no room besides it. now that sounds great on paper... internet... but lets think about the fact that i have a normal sized door as well as shelves in here.... tooooo bad i didn't think about that before. picture if you will, a girl who looks a lot like me along with her mom trying to wrestle a full sized mattress. now imagine that girl being squished by the mattress, now imagine her mom laughing so hard she can't help the girl. you should be giggling by now. trust me, we were cracking up, even as i was under the mattress trying to crawl out. NOW picture us finally getting the mattress in without me under it, THEN realizing that...well i somehow need sheets on it. this went on for about 2 hours.

but now, i am very comfy in my closet bed. i also have a chaise in my room, so i can sit without being in the closet.
so here is what my very cool room now looks like

well i feel like that is enough stories about me for one post, this is already pretty long and all.
but just for fun i'll start post a random fact about me at he bottom of everyone of these
today's...
i'm scared/grossed out by the thought of dairy products getting on my skin
one time someone spilled milk on my foot and i freaked out until someone else helped wipe it up

until next time
emiberry/emilie

does this blog make me look nerdy?

i really dont know why i'm writing a blog, besides the fact that i've been on break for about 10 days now, and im getting bored... but hey, if you really want to know about my life you're in luck!

really, i'm nothing special, just a 17 year old girl (18 in may). i stay up too late, i'm addicted to makeup (mostly eyeshadow/liner, one day i'll count how many colors i have and let you know,) i stress about hw and change my mind about everything at least 7 times a day. lately people have been telling me i look like bella from the twilight movies but "less dead", you tell me if that's a compliment or not.
i'm on facebook and twitter too if you want to "friend" or "follow" me( facebook = facebook.com/emilie.elizabeth. twitter = the_emiberry)
i'm a jr high leader at my church as well as on the youth committee as the youth rep.  im dual enrolled at Ohlone community college as well as finishing up my senior year as a home schooled high school student. you might think that makes me smart (im not saying i'm not, i have a good gpa!) but really it was something more like "what?! 4 more years of school after these 4?! i think not!"
i live with my mom, dad and two brothers, one older, one younger.
i have 2 best friends, kristen and kevin, as well as a few other close ones, but i'm not really one for having 50 best friends. also i sleep in my closet and my clothes are in my bedroom, trust me, it actually makes sense if you've seen my room.

so i guess this will be my spot to blog about my life, i kinda doubt that many people will read it, but hey, whatever makes you happy right?
until next time,
the_emiberry
(p.s. that nick name has a long story behind it... maybe it'll be featured in the next blog)