Take me back.

I'm loving Kate Nash right now. I have for awhile but I seem to be in a mood for the last few days that just begs for her voice (that ended up sounding somewhat creepy)Anyway, tomorrow I have my graduation rehearsal. And then I graduate on Saturday. And this time, it's it. I'm done. No longer a high school senior. I'm pretty excited, but kind of weirded out at the same time. This was something I looked forward to for so long, imagining the day I graduated. It was something for the big kids, I never thought I'd be that old. And now I want to go back to the 5 year old girl that thought high schoolers were so cool and only had to worry about if I could find the matching skirt for my dolls shirt. As much fun as it is to think about going away to school the actual process is stressful and overwhelming at times. But I know I'll make it, I mean how many other people have done it? Even with as difficult as it is to work with Ohlone sometimes. (UGH.) I'm sure that at some point I will get there... right?

I think what I'm most excited about is joining college groups this summer. I'm wanting that deeper connection and group for God. I don't like getting the watered down stuff all the time. I want the hard, jarring, painful, sweet, deep and beautiful truth. I want Malibu again. But I don't want to have to travel into another country to find it. I want to find that here. I want to find my place in God. I want to find my spot where I hear Him. Like my little log on the outside of the island. I want that again. (Yes I realize this probably doesn't make any sense to you unless you have been reading my blog from the start. You might want to back track to review) I want to see God waving hi to me from a leaf. I want to jump into the ocean carefree and be truly, fully and completely happy. That is what I want. I want people who aren't scared to speak the truth to me. The friend who listens to my heart and then sits and prays before he talks me through my hurts. I want the leader who doesn't judge my story. And I want the girl who can relate to me in every way and neither one of us is scared to open up and talk about our hurt and pain. That's what I want. I want the friends who see one look on my face and hug me. I want Teri to lead my in a 10 minute Bible study that changes my thinking and life forever. I want to sit with Bob and listen to him talk about meeting world leaders and bringing them into his home. I want Brandon Heath to grab me by the hand again and the drive (boat?) me across the ocean, just because he wanted to surprise us. I want Bob's sons to take us back across the ocean and then do laps around the camp games to make us laugh just because they can. I want to serve with those girls again, and guess campers orders or even remember names just to see a smile. I want to talk to that kid who tells me Glee songs are annoying, or see the light in the young mans eyes who helped me carry soda across camp as he told me how much fun he was having.
I just want to feel that community again.
I want it so bad...

Random fact
I hate moths. And there is one in my bathroom.
Emilie