yesterday was a scary day.
i was babysitting for some friends and the little boy (4 years old) and i were playing with his trains on the floor. i just had this weird feeling that someone else was in the house, even though i knew no one else should be. then all of the sudden i heard a huge crash from in the hallway or in one of the bedrooms past it. it wasn't a door slamming, it was something falling. i turned and saw a shadow move across the wall, i look back at the little boy whose eyes are huge and he says "why is someone in the hallway?" at that point i picked up him up, grabbed my keys and ran out the door. i locked us in my car and called the police, i'm not sure how i made any sense on the phone but within minutes i had 5 police cars around me and a K9 unit on the way. they told me to stay in my car with the boy. i then called his parents who were close to home and told them what had happened, i'm pretty sure i made even less sense to them on the phone, but they where there within minutes of me calling, i then called my parents who also got there quickly. after all of that, the police found nobody or anything inside of the house, and nothing looked disturbed. but i know someone was there.
basically i could make this a really creepy post and tell you more about what the boy actually saw... but i don't think i'm going to go there, i know someone was there and they had a really good chance to get out without someone seeing them while i was in my car because of the way the house is set up....
this had made top scary moment of my life as of right now. and i'm pretty sure i'll stay in like top 3 forever. i'm pretty glad i'm leaving actually and going to SF for the mission trip this afternoon. i feel really bad for the little boy and his parents. he was freaked out once i left the house, and i don't blame him since i'm not the one who actually saw the person and i'm super freaked out...
no random fact for today, i'm to tried to even think. i didn't sleep at all well last night.
see you after the mission trip.
emilie
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
these words are my diary screaming out loud...
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
(Anna Nalick, Breathe)
that is how i feel. i'm putting out my thoughts and feelings in this blog. my life is in this (well most of it...) and it's scary. but it's freeing. it's freeing to not hold everything inside of me. it's freeing to finally let someone in. and yes, i don't put everything in here, but i don't share everything with everyone :) trust me, a few people know even more of my deepest and darkest secrets :)
but here it is. my life. as messed up and hurt as i may be. i'm still beautiful. and it's amazing. it's amazing that i have this God who cares so much about me that he would care enough to pick me up when i'm down. that no matter what the world thinks of me, He will always love me. even if the world uses my own words against me, God won't... He'll just wipe away my tears and find my smile again. sure i go through the hard stuff. but somehow, i've always made it out.
i was talking to a friend and i said something about how i have matured since something happened in my life a few months ago, but that i didn't like saying that, i didn't like saying i had grown up and figured things out. and she told me it wasn't something i should be ashamed of, it's something i should say hey, i got out of this, i grew from this, i figured this out. and i'm proud of it, because now i know so much more. and i liked that, that she told me it's okay to be sure of myself, that it's okay to know that i am growing and maturing. i feel like so often in the church we are told to look back at how we've grown, not see how we are growing in the moment. but it is okay for me to know that right now. as much as this thing sucks, i am growing from it. i don't have to wait months (maybe sometimes i won't see it for months... haha) i can know and see and feel what God is doing in me, without a little old lady story of "when i was your age, God did such and such, and looking back on it 20 years later..." no, i can say "RIGHT NOW i'm hurt, i'm broken and i'm weak, but you know what, i know why, God is helping me grow, God is helping me figure this out" i don't have to look back on my life to see that. i can see it now.
as scary as it is. i'll admit, sometimes i hate it, and it puts me in a bad mood. other times i'm just full of joy. it's like spiritual PMSing :) (if you don't know what PMSing is, ask your mom, don't tell her it came from me)
i'm sure you've read about this before, but on Sunday i will be leaving on a mission trip, i'm going to San Francisco with my church, now if you know me personally, you know i live in Newark, which is about 30-45 minutes (maybe, if that much) from there, with traffic. so you might now be wondering, why there? well where better to start your missions work then at home? i'm excited for this trip, i really think it'll open my eyes to a lot of new things. and while i'm gone i will not have my computer or be updating anything :) so you'll just have to wait to hear allllll about it once i'm back! or you could come to the May 1st service at church :)
random fact
^^^^^and frankly, i don't think that's a bad thing that i've changed, i don't care that you don't approve :) (yes this is passive aggressive, but i have to take my frustrations out somewhere!)
emilie
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
(Anna Nalick, Breathe)
that is how i feel. i'm putting out my thoughts and feelings in this blog. my life is in this (well most of it...) and it's scary. but it's freeing. it's freeing to not hold everything inside of me. it's freeing to finally let someone in. and yes, i don't put everything in here, but i don't share everything with everyone :) trust me, a few people know even more of my deepest and darkest secrets :)
but here it is. my life. as messed up and hurt as i may be. i'm still beautiful. and it's amazing. it's amazing that i have this God who cares so much about me that he would care enough to pick me up when i'm down. that no matter what the world thinks of me, He will always love me. even if the world uses my own words against me, God won't... He'll just wipe away my tears and find my smile again. sure i go through the hard stuff. but somehow, i've always made it out.
i was talking to a friend and i said something about how i have matured since something happened in my life a few months ago, but that i didn't like saying that, i didn't like saying i had grown up and figured things out. and she told me it wasn't something i should be ashamed of, it's something i should say hey, i got out of this, i grew from this, i figured this out. and i'm proud of it, because now i know so much more. and i liked that, that she told me it's okay to be sure of myself, that it's okay to know that i am growing and maturing. i feel like so often in the church we are told to look back at how we've grown, not see how we are growing in the moment. but it is okay for me to know that right now. as much as this thing sucks, i am growing from it. i don't have to wait months (maybe sometimes i won't see it for months... haha) i can know and see and feel what God is doing in me, without a little old lady story of "when i was your age, God did such and such, and looking back on it 20 years later..." no, i can say "RIGHT NOW i'm hurt, i'm broken and i'm weak, but you know what, i know why, God is helping me grow, God is helping me figure this out" i don't have to look back on my life to see that. i can see it now.
as scary as it is. i'll admit, sometimes i hate it, and it puts me in a bad mood. other times i'm just full of joy. it's like spiritual PMSing :) (if you don't know what PMSing is, ask your mom, don't tell her it came from me)
i'm sure you've read about this before, but on Sunday i will be leaving on a mission trip, i'm going to San Francisco with my church, now if you know me personally, you know i live in Newark, which is about 30-45 minutes (maybe, if that much) from there, with traffic. so you might now be wondering, why there? well where better to start your missions work then at home? i'm excited for this trip, i really think it'll open my eyes to a lot of new things. and while i'm gone i will not have my computer or be updating anything :) so you'll just have to wait to hear allllll about it once i'm back! or you could come to the May 1st service at church :)
random fact
^^^^^and frankly, i don't think that's a bad thing that i've changed, i don't care that you don't approve :) (yes this is passive aggressive, but i have to take my frustrations out somewhere!)
emilie
Sunday, April 17, 2011
playing the waiting game
i think i've figured out a lot about myself in these last few months. i've grown up, i've figured out who i am as a person. and it hasn't been easy, not at all. it's probably been one of the most painful and hard things i've ever done. so much has happened in just 5 or 6 months. so many paths i have taken that i never even thought were a choice. so many prayers prayed. answered or unanswered. so many wishes tossed up into the sky, so many tears cried and laughs laughed. but i know i'm not done. i still have so much to learn, so many places to go, so many things to see. and it's scary to look back on my life, and see what has been, what i never thought would be. but it's exciting to. to think about what will come that i never thought would happen. and now, i guess i wait and see. i wait to see what i'll become. it's not a passive waiting. trust me, i have to search and fight for this. but it's still a waiting game. something i hate, waiting. i can feel myself being stretched, being taught to sit back and wait. being taught that my way, isn't always the right or best way. being taught that just because something was really good, doesn't mean that it's the end product for me, there just might be something different and better coming up. so now i go on with life. i go to school, i go to church, i go to bible study and i go on this mission trip. but while i go, i wait. and i wait to see what God is giving me next. and i can't wait.
random fact
i have manged to not majorly hurt myself since i was 15 and tore up the ligaments and tendons in my wrist. and that one wasn't even my fault. but people still call me a klutz...
emilie
random fact
i have manged to not majorly hurt myself since i was 15 and tore up the ligaments and tendons in my wrist. and that one wasn't even my fault. but people still call me a klutz...
emilie
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
my hiding place
once again, it has been awhile.
school and life have taken over guys, i apologize :)
i'm working really hard to get all of the school work i need to done, so that i can be gone for a week from school to go on the SF mission trip. agh. it's a lot. but i'll make it
and on top of that i've just been busy.
so lets see. not a whole lot has happened since i last wrote. just general life stuff. Sunday was the pancake breakfast at church. that was pretty fun.
but other then that, nothing really :)
also on Sunday, i hung out with Kristen (hi Kristen :]). we have this routine were we go to one place, it's our place, were we sit and have deep, meaningful conversations. about anything and everything. we don't go there a lot, maybe every 5 or 6 months ish. but that's because it means a lot. and it's funny to think back to what we talked about the last time we where there. life can change in such huge ways in only a few months... i have to say, i think those times, they are some of the best conversations i ever have. we talk about everything. and no, i'm not going to post on here where it is :) hehe.
as we left, she said something about how we should go back there when we both leave for college (Kristen is a year younger then me, but i'm getting my AA before transferring to a 4 year, Kristen will leave as a freshmen) and see whats happened. have our last check in before our lives start to turn in different directions, and then check in again on our breaks. it's so weird to think that, before long, life will have changed once again in so many ways. ways i can't even comprehend right now. things that will sneak up on me. just like it has in all the other times we've gone. it's kinda scary, but exciting. i don't like things changing, but sometimes, it's fun to look back and see just how things used to be...
random fact
i plan on getting my nose pierced on my 18th birthday :)
see ya,
emilie
school and life have taken over guys, i apologize :)
i'm working really hard to get all of the school work i need to done, so that i can be gone for a week from school to go on the SF mission trip. agh. it's a lot. but i'll make it
and on top of that i've just been busy.
so lets see. not a whole lot has happened since i last wrote. just general life stuff. Sunday was the pancake breakfast at church. that was pretty fun.
but other then that, nothing really :)
also on Sunday, i hung out with Kristen (hi Kristen :]). we have this routine were we go to one place, it's our place, were we sit and have deep, meaningful conversations. about anything and everything. we don't go there a lot, maybe every 5 or 6 months ish. but that's because it means a lot. and it's funny to think back to what we talked about the last time we where there. life can change in such huge ways in only a few months... i have to say, i think those times, they are some of the best conversations i ever have. we talk about everything. and no, i'm not going to post on here where it is :) hehe.
as we left, she said something about how we should go back there when we both leave for college (Kristen is a year younger then me, but i'm getting my AA before transferring to a 4 year, Kristen will leave as a freshmen) and see whats happened. have our last check in before our lives start to turn in different directions, and then check in again on our breaks. it's so weird to think that, before long, life will have changed once again in so many ways. ways i can't even comprehend right now. things that will sneak up on me. just like it has in all the other times we've gone. it's kinda scary, but exciting. i don't like things changing, but sometimes, it's fun to look back and see just how things used to be...
random fact
i plan on getting my nose pierced on my 18th birthday :)
see ya,
emilie
Thursday, April 7, 2011
i swear i'm going crazy
i'm po'd
and i thought i would share that with all of you :) (for the not texty crowd, po'd = pissed off)
part of me thinks i give out to many chances, the other part totally saw this coming. and the last part is almost happy it happened so soon.
now i'm not going to go into details here, cuz that would be rude, but basically i gave someone yet another chance to prove themselves to me that they did care/love/whatever about me, and they blew it. big time.
but hey, at least i hadn't totally started trusting them again, right?
anyways, it's been a busy week. i'm still itchy. still. (i'm never, ever, weeding again) i'm working on school and such. it's so much fun. (well parts of it) i just had my theatre class. we saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. it's weird... it was done very well, but it's weird. not as weird as Equus though, that was last week. i have to say, i love this class, we go watch plays/musicals/shows every week, then write a 2 page paper/blog about it. and that's it. it's awesome. and fun. even though you end up seeing some odd plays, there's been a few really good ones! but these last two are making me think i'm going crazy. good thing we have a comedy show next week!
i had a great conversation with someone last night, it's become kinda scary to watch myself grow, it's hard to see yourself mature sometimes, and it's hard for me to even type that, like i don't feel like i should say i'm becoming more mature, but i really think i am. i own my faith now, it's mine. i love God and it's me searching now. not following someone else's hunt.
but back to the conversation. me and this person were talking about something, and you know those moments that you realize something because you tell someone else? like, you didn't realize you knew what you know until you say it. kinda of like having someone tell you something you know, but you do it yourself. to me, those moments are so eye opening. and i love them. once again, i'm not going to go into details. (hey i can't write everything in here, i want people to still want to talk to me) but i realized, that i am at peace. even though it's hard, i'm at peace. and i really don't know the last time i could say that about my life. that i'm peaceful. i don't understand how i am (well God, duh) but even with everything crashing down, even with me being upset with someone, i'm at peace. i know it will be okay. and now i just want to go out and share that with everyone, i want everyone to be able to just take a deep breath and relax.
i want to share God with everyone, i want everyone to feel this peace. and i know i can't go out and do that, but maybe someone will stubble on this, and start questioning, and looking, and searching, and finding. maybe i'll say something to someone and they'll think "what does she have that i don't?" maybe, just maybe, i'll have that conversation with someone. i don't know how, but i want to share this love. i want to show it in every way that i can.
random fact
i still use Crest Kids Sparkle Fun toothpaste. it tastes so much better
emilie
and i thought i would share that with all of you :) (for the not texty crowd, po'd = pissed off)
part of me thinks i give out to many chances, the other part totally saw this coming. and the last part is almost happy it happened so soon.
now i'm not going to go into details here, cuz that would be rude, but basically i gave someone yet another chance to prove themselves to me that they did care/love/whatever about me, and they blew it. big time.
but hey, at least i hadn't totally started trusting them again, right?
anyways, it's been a busy week. i'm still itchy. still. (i'm never, ever, weeding again) i'm working on school and such. it's so much fun. (well parts of it) i just had my theatre class. we saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. it's weird... it was done very well, but it's weird. not as weird as Equus though, that was last week. i have to say, i love this class, we go watch plays/musicals/shows every week, then write a 2 page paper/blog about it. and that's it. it's awesome. and fun. even though you end up seeing some odd plays, there's been a few really good ones! but these last two are making me think i'm going crazy. good thing we have a comedy show next week!
i had a great conversation with someone last night, it's become kinda scary to watch myself grow, it's hard to see yourself mature sometimes, and it's hard for me to even type that, like i don't feel like i should say i'm becoming more mature, but i really think i am. i own my faith now, it's mine. i love God and it's me searching now. not following someone else's hunt.
but back to the conversation. me and this person were talking about something, and you know those moments that you realize something because you tell someone else? like, you didn't realize you knew what you know until you say it. kinda of like having someone tell you something you know, but you do it yourself. to me, those moments are so eye opening. and i love them. once again, i'm not going to go into details. (hey i can't write everything in here, i want people to still want to talk to me) but i realized, that i am at peace. even though it's hard, i'm at peace. and i really don't know the last time i could say that about my life. that i'm peaceful. i don't understand how i am (well God, duh) but even with everything crashing down, even with me being upset with someone, i'm at peace. i know it will be okay. and now i just want to go out and share that with everyone, i want everyone to be able to just take a deep breath and relax.
i want to share God with everyone, i want everyone to feel this peace. and i know i can't go out and do that, but maybe someone will stubble on this, and start questioning, and looking, and searching, and finding. maybe i'll say something to someone and they'll think "what does she have that i don't?" maybe, just maybe, i'll have that conversation with someone. i don't know how, but i want to share this love. i want to show it in every way that i can.
random fact
i still use Crest Kids Sparkle Fun toothpaste. it tastes so much better
emilie
Monday, April 4, 2011
can you hear the whisper in the wind?
i swear i just wrote in this yesterday.... buut that was actually a week ago, oops :)
i've been super busy, we had some drama with my moms childcare, losing 2 kids, one peacefully and the other... not. haha. then a family party saturday, plus i had another party saturday night (80's!) and church/lunch/babysitting sunday. and you know, the normal school stuff. so that is why i haven't written.
at the moment i'm having an allergy attack too, i was trying to be helpful and weed some in the back yard, but it makes me itchy sometimes. well this time i have full hives, all over. it's itchy. and i just took Benedryl which means i'm racing the time for when i pass out from that (i don't handle medication well for the most part... pain meds make me sick, allergy meds make me sleep. like theres no helping it i'm going to bed right here right now sleep)
also on sunday i got to get a little sun, which means i am now well on my way to my summer color. i tan super easily, and i can get dark. i'm very much looking forward to that this summer. since i was gone a month last summer in Malibu i didn't spend a lot of the summer in the sun.
what else happened? i got a lot of homework done, i re-enrolled for college this fall so that i'll no longer be a dual enrolled student, just a normal one (i get to skip being a freshmen, ha!) i had a night out with my mom on friday, that was fun. we got my dress for my birthday party (eeep! it's so cute) and went to see Beastly (really really good) plus some other late nighttime activities that may involve pink birds... hehe
well that's my week in a nutshell (i've always wanted to use that) busy, but fun. now i just have to figure out whats up for this weekend ;)
lately i've been thinking alot about what is my role in this life? why did God put me here, what for? do i even have some supreme purpose, or i'm a just a blob wandering around? i like to think i do, but sometimes it's hard to see. while i was message back and forth with my friend Eric (this is like your 3rd mention trash boy!) i said something about how he was telling me what i already knew, but hadn't actually heard. and he said that sometimes, we just miss God's whisper until someone else points it out. i like that idea, and it makes me want to listen for it even more. that's what i've been trying to do, see and hear God, let Him whisper to me what i should be doing right now, let Him come back into my life and show me the way, instead of me guessing. and no, it isn't always obvious, but there is a certain beauty in finding Him, even when i'm struggling.
random fact
i am double jointed, my elbows, knees and shoulders all bend way to much. my elbows are the worst though, and they creep a lot of people out.
until next (not week...i hope) time
emilie
follow me on twitter.
twitter.com/the_emiberry
i've been super busy, we had some drama with my moms childcare, losing 2 kids, one peacefully and the other... not. haha. then a family party saturday, plus i had another party saturday night (80's!) and church/lunch/babysitting sunday. and you know, the normal school stuff. so that is why i haven't written.
at the moment i'm having an allergy attack too, i was trying to be helpful and weed some in the back yard, but it makes me itchy sometimes. well this time i have full hives, all over. it's itchy. and i just took Benedryl which means i'm racing the time for when i pass out from that (i don't handle medication well for the most part... pain meds make me sick, allergy meds make me sleep. like theres no helping it i'm going to bed right here right now sleep)
also on sunday i got to get a little sun, which means i am now well on my way to my summer color. i tan super easily, and i can get dark. i'm very much looking forward to that this summer. since i was gone a month last summer in Malibu i didn't spend a lot of the summer in the sun.
what else happened? i got a lot of homework done, i re-enrolled for college this fall so that i'll no longer be a dual enrolled student, just a normal one (i get to skip being a freshmen, ha!) i had a night out with my mom on friday, that was fun. we got my dress for my birthday party (eeep! it's so cute) and went to see Beastly (really really good) plus some other late nighttime activities that may involve pink birds... hehe
well that's my week in a nutshell (i've always wanted to use that) busy, but fun. now i just have to figure out whats up for this weekend ;)
lately i've been thinking alot about what is my role in this life? why did God put me here, what for? do i even have some supreme purpose, or i'm a just a blob wandering around? i like to think i do, but sometimes it's hard to see. while i was message back and forth with my friend Eric (this is like your 3rd mention trash boy!) i said something about how he was telling me what i already knew, but hadn't actually heard. and he said that sometimes, we just miss God's whisper until someone else points it out. i like that idea, and it makes me want to listen for it even more. that's what i've been trying to do, see and hear God, let Him whisper to me what i should be doing right now, let Him come back into my life and show me the way, instead of me guessing. and no, it isn't always obvious, but there is a certain beauty in finding Him, even when i'm struggling.
random fact
i am double jointed, my elbows, knees and shoulders all bend way to much. my elbows are the worst though, and they creep a lot of people out.
until next (not week...i hope) time
emilie
follow me on twitter.
twitter.com/the_emiberry
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