i swear i'm going crazy

i'm po'd
and i thought i would share that with all of you :) (for the not texty crowd, po'd = pissed off)
part of me thinks i give out to many chances, the other part totally saw this coming. and the last part is almost happy it happened so soon.
now i'm not going to go into details here, cuz that would be rude, but basically i gave someone yet another chance to prove themselves to me that they did care/love/whatever about me, and they blew it. big time.
but hey, at least i hadn't totally started trusting them again, right?

anyways, it's been a busy week. i'm still itchy. still. (i'm never, ever, weeding again) i'm working on school and such. it's so much fun. (well parts of it) i just had my theatre class. we saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. it's weird... it was done very well, but it's weird. not as weird as Equus though, that was last week. i have to say, i love this class, we go watch plays/musicals/shows every week, then write a 2 page paper/blog about it. and that's it. it's awesome. and fun. even though you end up seeing some odd plays, there's been a few really good ones! but these last two are making me think i'm going crazy. good thing we have a comedy show next week!

i had a great conversation with someone last night, it's become kinda scary to watch myself grow, it's hard to see yourself mature sometimes, and it's hard for me to even type that, like i don't feel like i should say i'm becoming more mature, but i really think i am. i own my faith now, it's mine. i love God and it's me searching now. not following someone else's hunt.
but back to the conversation. me and this person were talking about something, and you know those moments that you realize something because you tell someone else? like, you didn't realize you knew what you know until you say it. kinda of like having someone tell you something you know, but you do it yourself. to me, those moments are so eye opening. and i love them. once again, i'm not going to go into details. (hey i can't write everything in here, i want people to still want to talk to me) but i realized, that i am at peace. even though it's hard, i'm at peace. and i really don't know the last time i could say that about my life. that i'm peaceful. i don't understand how i am (well God, duh) but even with everything crashing down, even with me being upset with someone, i'm at peace. i know it will be okay. and now i just want to go out and share that with everyone, i want everyone to be able to just take a deep breath and relax.
i want to share God with everyone, i want everyone to feel this peace. and i know i can't go out and do that, but maybe someone will stubble on this, and start questioning, and looking, and searching, and finding. maybe i'll say something to someone and they'll think "what does she have that i don't?" maybe, just maybe, i'll have that conversation with someone. i don't know how, but i want to share this love. i want to show it in every way that i can.

random fact
i still use Crest Kids Sparkle Fun toothpaste. it tastes so much better
emilie