now i can do cool things, like ride my bike without a helmet!

because i'm an adult that is. (don't worry mom... it's not like i have a bike anyways!)
so i don't feel any different still. i mean like it's really fun to say "i'm 18" and i signed a form for a background check (good thing i didn't get arrested in the 2 days i was 18 before that!) but other then that, nothing has changed. and i guess i'm one of very few brand new adults who didn't go buy a lottery ticket on my birthday (shame on me)
i signed the form to pierce my nose (i love it. even if it feels weird still. update, i finally sneezed, it wasn't that bad) and that's about it. ha. Kristen told me i wasn't allowed to hit on minors anymore, but on the bright side i can go for the older men! (kidding mom and dad... mostly)
but all in all, age is really just that. an age. a number. a digit that i write down. not that i mind. i'm happy i made it this far, but i really don't feel all that adult yet. but on the flip side i don't feel like a kid either.
i'm sure i'll figure this out someday.
maybe.

other then my birthday the start of my summer has been uneventful. which i really needed after this school year. i tested into the math class i needed and got the schedule i wanted (YES!) which is awesome. and i think next semester will be a good one, but i'm glad for this break. i graduate the first time in just a few days. the second time in just a week and a few days (your all invited. party at my house after. yay! june 11th) so i guess i'm starting to feel more grown up. i get to join the college group at church soon, which i'm really looking forward too. i just hope i can find that deeper connection soon. it's what i'm really looking for, i just don't know for sure where yet....

but i guess that is a part of life. searching for the next thing. searching for what we want. searching for someone to love. but really shouldn't that searching be for God? i wish it was easier to just live that way. live in God. it sounds amazing. and it's times like these that i really start to miss Malibu and want to find my Malibu here....
random fact
i hate wearing shoes or socks. hate it. my feet suffer in the winter and in the summer i'm barefoot all the time
emilie

The big day

today, i turned 18.yay me.
it wasn't a super eventful day, but a good one. i went to lunch/mall with my friends Emily and Amanda. then I skyped with Kevin for awhile, Tricia came over and we went to Inkies and i got my nose pierced.(there is a picture on my fb page http://www.facebook.com/emilie.elizabeth) that was pretty cool. not only that, but the same guy did it who pierced my belly button over a year ago and as soon as i walked in, he remembered me. i don't think you can get better customer service then that! after that i went out to dinner with my family. we went to BJ's (it was my first time ever!) i got these TOMS

http://www.toms.com/catalog/product/view/id/7819/s/neon-green-crochet-women-s-classics/category/112/

which i am in love with. they are way brighter then in the picture haha. i'm so excited to wear them this summer :D
so it was a good birthday
i really don't feel any different yet... should i? oh well. at least i can say i made it!
and thank you to everyone who made it special or wished me happy birthday!
random fact
i have never been so scared to sneeze in my life. i have no idea what it will feel like...
emilie

we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog...

life has an interesting way of coming about.i still feel like i'm just searching for something more...
i haven't been writing as much on her because i keep other writings as well. a more private file if you will. some stories and poems and such... and a way more personal level. and at this point in my life i need to really spill out my thoughts. some of it might make it's way here at some point, but not yet.

basically. i turn 18 on thursday. yikes. and then the next weekend i graduate the first time, and the weekend after that the second time. yes i get to graduate twice. once with the homeschool group, the other time on campus. i'm excited but it really snuck up on me...

my life feels crazy right now, i'm trying to get a job, figure out where-ish i want to transfer to in a year and get my class schedule set for next semester, all while still trying to have a life. and it sucks that i seem to let God sink to the bottom of the list. but i've really been trying to work on that, which is why the blog has snuck even farther down to the bottom.
i just wish i was better at making sure i made it a priority everyday, instead of an option if i have time after i watch my tv shows and do my laundry and clean my room and everything else i can think of.
everything was so much easier in Malibu, and even afterwards when i had that spark still. i guess i'm looking for that spark again, something to light me on fire and get my butt moving.
it doesn't help that at this point i feel somewhat... lost. sometimes i wish i could just go back in time and see if i could change the way things turned out. even though i know what happened must have been for the best. it doesn't help me accept it. and sometimes i wonder if i'm just hurting myself more by dwelling on it.
i don't want to forever, i know i need to move on with my life. but it's so hard. i just don't know what to even feel sometimes.
well this ended up being a semi depressing post. really i'm super excited for my birthday and graduation. i guess i just want my answers. and i want them now. patience has never been my thing. :)

random fact.
whenever i put on chap stick i have to put like 50 layers on. and i will do it absent mindfully while i'm in conversation with someone. it's my awkward habit. please, tell me to stop if i do it to you.
emilie

I found....

My Bucket List!
enjoy, i need to get some more of this crossed off! The highlighted ones are the ones that i have finished

My Bucket List

1.      Go on a Disney cruise

2.      Spend a whole day getting lost driving with someone I love

3.      Pierce my belly button

4.      Kiss in the rain

5.      Build a huge snow fort

6.      Watch the stars on a rooftop

7.      Kiss under mistletoe

8.      Go to the circus

9.      Take pictures in a photo booth

10.  Find my dream wedding dress

11.  Adopt a baby

12.  Ride in a hot air balloon

13.  Watch every great Disney movie in a day

14.  Go to the American Girl store

15.  Sing solo in front of a crowd

16.  Swim with dolphins

17.  Rescue a pet

18.  Own a house

19.  Have my dream kitchen in teal, green or yellow

20.  Ride a tandem bike

21.  Go on a long road trip

22.  Learn yoga

23.  Go to Hawaii  

24.  Pet/ride a zebra

25.  Have an epic Nerf gun fight in the park at midnight

26.  Jump on an old bed/mattress until it breaks

27.  Watch a sunset on the beach

28.  Watch a sunrise on the beach

29.  Play a giant game of leap-frog through a public place

30.  Get the lead in a play

31.  Take a dance class again

32.  Get a tattoo

33.  Go to a spa

34.  Spend an entire day in bed, but not because I’m sick

35.  Sit in front of a fire all day under blankets

36.  Build a massive fort that takes over a whole room

done done done done done done done

that's right.SUMMER BREAK!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
so excited.
i plan on sleeping, hanging out and just not doing school a lot this summer :)
so i have made plans to go to a hardcore (right?) show on Friday. now if you know me, this is not my type of music. at all. but my friends are playing their first show. so i'm going.
and then, in just a week now, it's my birthday!!!!! :D
i'm quite excited. i will be 18. yeeeeees
besides that i haven't done a lot. i mean, finals kind of take over your life a bit. and now i just wait to see my grades. i think that's worse then anything else. i know i have an A in my theatre appreciation class :)
but i'm waiting for the rest still.

besides that, i plan on relaxing at bit this week. i need to clean my room and wash my clothes, you know, so i don't walk around smelly (it's for you guys really) and getting some job apps ready. that and sleep. yes.
until then, i'm going to go enjoy my tv. and then sleep. a lot.
i love summer
now can it just get warm?

random fact
i have a huge fear of driving behind a truck or a car with stuff tied on, on, to it. i don't want anything to come through my windshield.
until later
emilie

life, it happens

well hello there. i haven't been on here for a bit. school is finally winding down. i'm planning my 18th birthday and my graduation (yikes) and getting ready for finals. thankfully, 3 of my classes have decided not to have finals or have projects instead. and all of those are already turned in (sweeeet) so i feel like i'm doing pretty well at them moment. i have some studying to finish and that's about it.

so what's been up. well i went to go see a counselor at Ohlone, who helped me figure out some of my classes and confirmed that i am on track to graduate with my AA in Early Childhood Studies in Spring of 2012! and that i will be a prime transfer candidate. YES! frankly that helped take a lot of stress off of me. now i have to really start looking for schools and figure out where i want to apply to and where i REALLY want to go. kinda scary, not gonna lie. but i'm excited at the same time..

lets see, what else have i been up too? we'll i have figured out a few places i'd like to apply for a job at as soon as i'm 18. i decided i would just wait until after my birthday, it'll make things a little bit easier for me. and the places i want to apply to you have to be 18 anyways.

i have just over 2 weeks until that happens btw. wow.

and other then that. well i haven't been doing much. school kind of took over after my return from the Mission trip. haha. not that i mind, i knew i'd have to catch up, but it was so much at once and now, it's really calm again and i don't know what to do with myself.
i think Thursday i will try to get my graduation announcements out. that would be good. or at least start getting them addressed. that will take forever... haha.

i feel like i'm at a really good place right now. no i don't have everything figured out. but i'm happy with who i am and what is going on around me. somethings are still up in the air, but i can't expect to have EVERYTHING in place at once right? and as of right now, i'm fine waiting for juuuust a bit.
but that might change in the morning ;)

random fact
i don't know how i will ever sleep anywhere besides my closet. i don't think i'll ever find a spot as cozy as it is in here!
i smell summer!
emilie

warning, don't read this if you get the chills easily...

basically, i can't sleep. it's been over 2 weeks since my infamous babysitting job and it still just creeps me out. every little noise at night makes me jump. and so i decided to write it all out, to help get it out of my mind. so if you scare easily or just don't like creepy stories, don't read this post.
so i was babysitting a four year old boy, i've known him since birth pretty  much. he's one of my mom's childcare kids. this is the first time however that i went over to his house to babysit. our day started off uneventful at 12, we ate lunch and watched a bit of Disney channel, he then informed me it was time for a nap at about 1. from then he slept til about 4:15. so far so good, i was able to get a ton of homework done, sweet! now i have a habit of always leaving the tv on when i babysit, even if i'm not watching, i feel like otherwise it's much to quite in the house, even more so when the kid is napping or sleeping. after the little boy got up from nap we played for awhile with his trains,the tv still on as background noise. i was leaning against the coffee table, and the way this house is set up, the hall way was to the right and behind me, he was facing it. this kind of hall was was one with the parents bedroom on one end, then down to the garage with the other rooms at the other, with a doorway in the middle to the living room. where we where. well as we sat there playing i just started to get this weird feeling, like someone else was in the house. but there shouldn't have been, i had just texted the parents talking about how they were on there way and would be there soon, nowhere near the house yet. i kinda just shook it off, i mean how many creepy babysitting movies/stories are out there, right? i was just feeling a bit off, i had seen a scary movie the night before. then, i heard a loud crash from down the hall way. i turned quickly and saw a shadow move across the wall. again, i somewhat shook it off, just creeped out right? then i looked back at the boy, his eyes huge and teary. "why is someone else in my house?!" well that was it, my keys were on the table behind me, and i somehow thought to grab them as i grabbed the boy, luckily my phone was in my pocket. i ran out the front door, slamming it behind me and out the gate that covers the front of there house, i pretty much threw the kid in the back seat (sorry... haha) and got in the drivers. i locked us in and turned on my car just in case then called the police. i don't know how the hell i made any sense on the phone, but she asked my address and what had happened, since i called the fremont emergency line and not newark on accident, she got a few details from me and then transferred me to newark after she had sent the police over. they asked more even more questions
"are you okay?" yes
"is everyone out of the house?" yes
"are you a babysitter?" yes
"were any windows open in the back?" no
"did you see the person?" no the boy did
"would he make up a story at all?" no
"how long have you known him personally?" his whole life
"is there any chance the parents came home early?" no i just talked to them
"is there a strange car out front?" not that i know of, but i don't live around here
"did you see anyone leave the house?" no but i can't see the front door.
and that kept going on until the police pulled up, first 2 cars pulled up, guns drawn, one walked over to my car and asked me to just tell him again what happened, asked if i had a key to the house or if i knew of any open doors or windows. i told him just the ones in the front of the should be and were when i got there, not the back, no i didn't have a key but the front door should be unlocked. at that point 4 more  police cars had pulled up and they all were by the door, looking in windows just a bit. i called his parents at this point, then mine. i really don't remember at all what i said to them or if it made any sense at all, but they showed up within about 5 minutes, my parents close behind.  another officer came over and told me K9 was on the way and that they wanted to send the dog in first before entering the house. he asked me if there were any pets in the house.  i told him a bunny in a cage in the kitchen. what cracked me up (well later, not right then) was when he got on his radio and said " i have been advised that there is a bunny in the kitchen...... yes a bunny" i assume he was talking to the K9 unit, but i find it funny he said bunny. haha
so then the dog showed up. they sent him into the house, all standing around with guns drawn and pointed, while yelling for the person to come out, or whatever. at this point the little boy lost it. thankfully his mom was there, but he kept yelling and crying for them not to shoot in his house. i felt so bad.... i almost started crying at this point, and i really don't know why i never cried, or even screamed from the beginning actually. i guess adrenaline.
after about 10 minutes or so of them searching the house they came out and told us they had not found anyone, but wanted me and the parents to go into the house and look around and see if anything seemed out of place or missing. nothing really seemed to be. after that the officer told me that no they couldn't confirm that someone had been in the house, but that he wasn't going to tell me that nobody was either... he also asked if i had ever taken a babysitting class before. haha. he said he'd never had a teenager a) leave the house before calling b) think to lock them self and the kid in a car or something c)actually make any sense while giving details (i didn't think i did, but hey, guess i did okay) he also told me that he totally believed what me and the little boy heard and saw.
while we had been in the car, the little boy's mom asked him what he saw in the house. he kept making a claw like hand and saying "this" well that didn't make any sense to any of us. but later he said he saw "this" making the claw again, and a big eye. we assume what he means was he saw someone grabbing onto the corner of the wall and peeking into the living room. which scares the shit out of me, because that means the person would have been about 5 feet from my back.
now i slept with my mom that night, and i didn't sleep well. the little boy slept with his parents and convinced them to go out to dinner (he really didn't want to go back into the house) he hasn't brought it up since though, so i hope he is doing okay.
no, nothing was ever confirmed, but nothing was ruled out either. and it still scares me. i haven't babysat since, and actually turned down one job. i know that nothing like this will ever happen again... but it was the scariest moment of my life. by far.
and that my friends is the story of how i got the entire newark police force to respond to my babysitting job.
i don't ever want to have to do that again....
lets hope i can sleep now...
emilie

what does 2 + 2 equal again...?

i'm not as stressed anymore, i'm sure you'll all be glad to know. i got a TON of work done Tuesday and Wednesday. of course i still have a lot to do, but i have Thursday and some of Friday plus the weekend. i feel like it's gonna all work out now. i'm not in over me head :)

basically since i'm an Early Childhood Studies major, i play with children, take pictures and write what they do down, then analyze it, put it all together and turn that in. it's a lot more work then it sounds. the first part is fun. then it kinda sucks. but i actually really like school. i like learning. well besides math (i'm studying though!) my brain does really well with the child development stuff, i'm pretty good with history and English, even my criminal procedure class i do well in. math... well that's when the numbers start flipping and moving on the page. i can't remember my times tables worth crap (yes i have practiced and practiced. trust me, i've spent hours trying to get that thing down) and i use my fingers a lot. when i understand it and can focus, i do well. when i get frustrated, i start messing up. and because numbers are flipping everywhere (i have dyslexia, i have been able to overcome the spelling and writing issues, besides spelling, for the most part... the math is still the fight) i get frustrated quickly. it's a never ending cycle that i have to work through. it sucks, and frankly at times it makes me feel pretty dumb that i can't grasp simple math concepts easily. (please don't use this against me. because it really does suck) but it's a part of my life that i have to work out. so if you ever see me, please don't ask me to solve a math problem. i might kill you. i'm not saying anyone should feel sorry for me, or my teachers should go easy on me, it's my fight, not someone elses, but it's nice when people understand why i have such issues with it. it's not that i don't try, it just takes more work and effort for me then most. and also a lot longer to solve most problems :p

besides my math struggles, school really hasn't been that bad. it's packed full of work, but nothing that has been super overwhelming. i feel like i really have a handle on everything at the moment. and finals will be done with in 2 weeks. i can't wait. then it's almost my birthday, then graduation :D
once i'm 18 i plan on finding a job, so i can start making some of my own money besides babysitting (sorry, still to soon parents, give me a few more weeks) and then just enjoying my summer. staying up all night, beach trips, sleeping in and laying out in the sun... i cannot wait.

well time for some bed so i can get up in the morning. busy day! gonna hit the gym, wash my clothes and sheets, change my bed sheets and clean my room, plus throw in some school and skyping with Kev :) and then my last play for my theatre class (well now it really sounds busy!)

random fact
i hate nutella. i think its the most disgusting thing ever.
emilie

Mission Trip = opened eyes + opened heart

well i've actually been back since Saturday, but i've been busy. what can i say? i had to make up a week of school, plus registering for classes, which has been a pain, and take placement testing. which is not going to be finished until the 23rd. a mere 3 days before i turn 18 and enter the adult world for real.
yay?
well lets start with the craziness. my last post was the day after my scariest babysitting job ever. and since then i have turned down a babysitting job. to soon. sorry parents, but that was f***ing scary. (i feel that was a good and appropriate use of the f bomb)

since then i went to SF on a mission trip and you know, changed my life, heart and some cool stuff like that.

i can never look at a homeless person the same way. i can never look at the "ghetto" the same. i can never forget the little girl and boy rejoicing that they will see their dad for the first time in years because he's getting out of jail. i can never forget "huggy muggys" or dyrke who is hurting and acts out against his teachers and single mom at 4 years old, hard of hearing without working hearing aids.
my heart is changed.
i'll never forget walking in the Tenderloin. seeing broken lives, but not broken people, around me. i'll never forget actually stopping and talking and listening to find out their stories.
i'll never forget any of it.
my heart aches.
but i've been blessed to see it.
i'll never forget counting how many times that one man came to get a tray of food from me at the free dinning hall of St. Vincent De Paul (i stopped counting after 10, many others were just like him)
i can't forget finding out the average age of a homeless person in SF is 9 years old. 9.
i can't forget the smile from the young man i handed a granola bar to, as he told me he hadn't eaten since the day before, and that was an apple.
i'll never forget Joe, who told us we had nothing to be worried about on the streets. or Ramen as he hoped on his princess scooter and joined us for a bagel and juice.

i can't forget it. i just wish i could better share it with everyone. i wish i could share the pain of hearing that children, ages 0-5, know how to drop to the floor just in case there is a drive by shooting at their school. i wish i could show you the pain of hearing that the girl who comes to the afterschool program in Richmond? she's dead. shot. gone. and i wish you could be punched in the gut by the poem that was written in her memory.
so this is how i'm going to share. right here. my heart hurts. it's broken. i fully intend on going back to SF, not to pier 39, but to the inner city. to hand out meals, to just sit and talk. to go back to Richmond and hug those little girls i may never get to see alive again. i've never felt a feeling like that.
no this trip wasn't all pain. i loved talking the elderly to the Asian Art Museum. and it was pretty fun to watch Mary lean forward in her wheelchair to poke Kristen in the butt and then giggle. it was also pretty funny to watch her try to "run away" in the same wheelchair.
but that doesn't heal my heart. i'm convicted.
i want to go back.
and i want others to go with me...

random fact
chicken and waffles are amazing. but what makes them more amazing is being surrounded by a family that adopts you for who you are. broken and beautiful.
emilie